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What's there, when there appears to be nothing left ...

DesperateofDevon

Registered User
Jul 7, 2019
2,685
What’s weird is that when you want to be kinder to yourself the actual act of trying seems at the moment to be a betrayal. Why should I want, more then anything, to feel better when my wife is away from me and stuck in care home.

Emotions are so very complicated because they are emotions and these I’m feeling now are the worse I’ve had in my whole life.
Oh my lovely, I do understand really. But the ultimate betrayal would be you not fulfilling your life to the full. Your wife would want only the best for her child, believe me as a mother you want your children to be happy & will do anything to help them achieve this.
You are fulfilling your wife’s natural instincts, she would be proud of this as Would any mother.

Why should you want more ..?

Really ...

Because you are a father, a grandfather, a father-in-law, a family member, a husband & mostly a functioning human being who has the capacity to make choices for himself.
So I’m not being harsh, but you need to make choices now for you. It’s a time to grieve the person who is lost at times with dementia yes; but also a time to leave your own legacy & show your child, your daughter that you are still her Dad!

Don’t make it so people dread talking to you, it has happened over the years with myself. So do what I say not what I did - really does apply from my own experiences!!

Would you want anyone to feel like you? Would you wish these dark emotions on another? No!
-So your wife doesn’t want you to feel like this for a start
- your daughter needs you to be her Dad
- your grandchildren/ child wants a Grandad
- your friends want you to feel better
- strangers on this forum want you to feel life is worth living.
- your GP wants you to
- the carers in the care home...
- all the people who have responded to you on this forum..,,
the list goes on...

Only you can decided & make that conscious decision that today will be a better day.

As they say my friend the ball is in your court.....,
 

Blondee

Registered User
May 12, 2018
105
Hello Geraldine
I haven’t been on here for some time as I had to give myself a break but I’ve often thought about you. You helped me tremendously when I was struggling with being unable to cope with mum any more and the trauma of her going into a home.
I’m so, so sorry to hear that Keith has passed away but I don’t think anyone could have done more than you did.
Mum was in the home for about six months, generally happy but then contracted noro virus and just wasn’t strong enough to get past it. She passed away peacefully between Christmas and New Year.
I’ll be on here more often now as I hope there is some advice I can give to others on this road.
Best wishes
Denise x
 

kindred

Registered User
Apr 8, 2018
2,458
Hello Geraldine
I haven’t been on here for some time as I had to give myself a break but I’ve often thought about you. You helped me tremendously when I was struggling with being unable to cope with mum any more and the trauma of her going into a home.
I’m so, so sorry to hear that Keith has passed away but I don’t think anyone could have done more than you did.
Mum was in the home for about six months, generally happy but then contracted noro virus and just wasn’t strong enough to get past it. She passed away peacefully between Christmas and New Year.
I’ll be on here more often now as I hope there is some advice I can give to others on this road.
Best wishes
Denise x
Denise how lovely to hear from you,thankyou! And all my sympathy about your mum, too. Thank you for your kind words about me as well, so much appreciated. It'll be lovely to have you on here again.
I do quite a lot of support shifts in the nursing home where Keith was, and am a volunteer activity coordinator which I love. There is so much humanity and love there and the staff and residents are such good friends. In a difficult world like we have today, it feels the best form of voluntary work I can offer.
So good to hear from you and looking forward to hearing more.
with love and best, Geraldinexx