Hello and welcome to talking point, I hope you will find it a help, it is a great source for both practical and emotional help. It is often a great comfort to talk to people who understand what you're going through and the heartache that comes from caring for a loved one with this illness. Keep posting and we will all try to help you.
I am so very sorry to hear about your Mum. This must be a devastating time for you. I am so sorry. Firstly when the time comes for a care home, it may not be because you 'aren't coping', it may be that for her own safety and well being your Mum needs more care than can be offered at home. You have to think about what your Mum would have wanted, the Mum that brought you up and cuddled you when you hurt yourself, would your Mum want you to sacrifice your family and husband for her? Would she want you to care for her full time and all that that encompases? I know my Mum, as she is now with her AD would, but my real Mum as I think of her wouldn't. She would want me to ensure she is safe, looked after and as happy as possible and then she would want me to get on with my life. I am not at that stage yet, but often when Mum calls and needs something that to her is a real emergency I have to step back and weigh it up, and sometimes I put my children first and don't go running round to her because she has run out of milk or can't find her trousers. This is what my Mum would want, but she just can't remember it. You to will find some sort of balance, it may take a while and may seem impossibly hard sometimes but you will get there. Take each day as it comes and only do the best you can, you can't do anymore. 'I am doing my best' is a great mantra to repeat in your head when you're struggling.
Your Mum may well hate having the carers in to begin with, but very quickly she will become familiar with them, my Mum hated the thought of carers with a passion, she was very upset about it. But we didn't tell her they were 'carers' but more local people who were there to help orientate her to her new house and surroundings. For your Mum these could be people coming in to help 'settle her back in' once she's home again. Within less than a week I think my Mum looked upon her carers as personal friends and very much looks forward to spending time with them and has infact been very upset before when we've had to cancel one day.
You're not selfish and I want my Mum back to. I understand.
Amy
xx