What's going to happen ?

[crazycatlady3]

I know pwd differ in progression and symptoms but I need to know what to expect. I don't want to put my mum in a home and at the moment, that's not something I have to imminently consider . She spends all her time in bed ( which she's done for a large part of her life) due to a mood disorder and of late a painful hip. Her memory is bad, she recognises my sister and I, and grandchildren but doesn't know who we are ( if that makes sense). 12 months ago she could shower and dress herself and organise food but her day and night differentiation was getting muddled ( now she has no idea whatsoever. She now needs food bringing to her and cannot shower independently but she can toilet herself .
She's very confused ( thinks her telly has different things on than anyone else's ) and asks the same thing over and over .
I'm guessing she's in late middle stage, her ability to manage her finances and medication ended around 2.5 years ago .
Do all pwd become incontinent and violent? I'm wondering how much longer will this phase last , how much longer til I loose another piece of her. We've never had an easy relationship so it's more than ironic that she's ended up living with me.
She hasn't even received a formal diagnosis because years ago she refused referrals to the memory clinic and after watching the news the other day ( about Barbara Windsor) she asked me fearfully whether she had dementia ( I said, no). She thinks her bad memory is down to her age and has said that for years.

 

[Hazara8]

I know pwd differ in progression and symptoms but I need to know what to expect. I don't want to put my mum in a home and at the moment, that's not something I have to imminently consider . She spends all her time in bed ( which she's done for a large part of her life) due to a mood disorder and of late a painful hip. Her memory is bad, she recognises my sister and I, and grandchildren but doesn't know who we are ( if that makes sense). 12 months ago she could shower and dress herself and organise food but her day and night differentiation was getting muddled ( now she has no idea whatsoever. She now needs food bringing to her and cannot shower independently but she can toilet herself .
She's very confused ( thinks her telly has different things on than anyone else's ) and asks the same thing over and over .
I'm guessing she's in late middle stage, her ability to manage her finances and medication ended around 2.5 years ago .
Do all pwd become incontinent and violent? I'm wondering how much longer will this phase last , how much longer til I loose another piece of her. We've never had an easy relationship so it's more than ironic that she's ended up living with me.
She hasn't even received a formal diagnosis because years ago she refused referrals to the memory clinic and after watching the news the other day ( about Barbara Windsor) she asked me fearfully whether she had dementia ( I said, no). She thinks her bad memory is down to her age and has said that for years.

Every case is different. What a person is relates to the dementia, in as much as changes in behaviour relate to the 'actual' person. So there is no concrete pattern, although the varied dementias progress in ways which can be observed in presentation. But a proper diagnosis is really the first step. Where there is reluctance on the part of the loved one concerned, to engage with the GP or the specialist, then you can make a point of listing behaviours and concerns yourself and present that to the GP. You need to know where you are in respect of caring for a loved one with dementia. Violent behaviour, incontinence, can be part of the progression for many people, but not always. It is so very complex. The millions of brain cells which make up each one of us cognitively present a huge challenge even for high end research into what is going on inside the brain. We as carers cannot delve into those depths, but we can CARE, which is really both the sharp end and the fundamentally important part of this whole affair. But if you are armed with an overall knowledge of just what is taking place - Alzheimer's, Vascular, Frontotemporal et al, then you can at least approach behaviour and physical changes with some perspective, rather than be totally in the dark. So if you can arrange that doctor's visit soon, all to the good. If that seems a non-runner, then perhaps a home visit?

 

[crazycatlady3]

Thank you. GP recommended a MRI scan which she refused. I'm guessing she has Alzheimer's as I've looked online and that seems to fit the bill more than other types.

 

[Sirena]

I don't think you can predict what will happen as the disease progresses differently for each person. My mother has Alzheimers and is late mid-stage but presents slightly different from your mother. My mother 'knows she knows me' but I am not convinced she knows I am her daughter. She is still mobile and is up and around during the day, asleep at night. But her language processing has been poor for many months, it's often hard to decode what she is saying - I doubt she would understand the news report about Barbara Windsor.

She moved to a dementia care home three months ago. I've visited many times and I haven't seen violence or aggression from any of the residents, but some late stage residents vocalise loudly and repetitively, and many are incontinent. There is always a calm atmosphere. Before she moved to the care home my mother was anxious when left on her own, but now she has constant company/guidance she seems content and often says how happy she is. How it will progress, who knows...

 

[Kikki21]

It is very hard to ascertain dementia progression but I would get your mum assessed somehow at least by a GP. Memory clinics can visit you at home but many won’t publicise the fact.
My mum was ok ish living at home on her home with the standard 4 care calls a day but all that changed when she had a chest infection followed by a number of seizures before Christmas.
She was in hospital for 3 months & then we had no real choice but to get her into a care home.
She is happy enough in there & is actually socialising & has made a friend.