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What's best for mum & conflicting emotions

Discussion in 'I care for a person with dementia' started by ConfusedBiker, Feb 13, 2018.

  1. ConfusedBiker

    ConfusedBiker Registered User

    Dec 27, 2017
    18
    Only my second thread, my first went a bit off topic due to me losing my father...

    Please bear with me as there is a fair bit of background.

    Anyway, the 3 weeks since then have been eventful to say the least. I got mum up as usual the morning my father passed away and she literally couldn't walk, almost like she had completely forgotten, I managed to walk her from the bed to the loo where I change her pad and clothes but when she stood up she couldn't weight bear at all and over the course of the week we had 3 falls, none too dramatic, but the 3rd time mum seemed to have hurt her hip so we called 111 who sent paramedics who then took mum to ED.

    After about 10 hours mum went through to a ward and the OT on that ward spoke to me and I explained our situation with mum; unable to eat, not drinking much, sleeps all day, double incontinent, doesn't know who I am, who my sister is or who her grandson is. I explained the lack of mobility and how mum never wanted to get out of bed in the mornings. The OT said they gave mum a CT scan which showed her 'good hip' as being severely arthritic (her other hip was replaced 5 years ago). I explained I thought mum was basically bed-bound now and it isn't safe for her to be moved.
    The OT said she wanted to try to get mum out of bed anyway but mum wasn't cooperative, the OT said she couldn't force mum to get up and we should respect her wishes.

    Anyway, a week later and I get a call to say mum has been moved to a community hospital where she will be assessed for NHS funded continuous care. After speaking with the Ward Manager I have been told that the referral has gone to the CHC team and they hope to be able to meet with me this Friday to discuss mum's options.

    I wonder how much say we will have on what happens next with mum, they say mum needs 2 qualified nurses/carers 4 times a day to visit the house (I happen to recall SS saying that there would be difficulty with supplying this) and mum would need to be hoisted out of bed and placed in a chair each day.

    Now here is where I have conflicting emotions: I would argue that hoisting, although probably the only safe way of getting mum out of bed, is probably not respecting her wishes to stay in bed if she doesn't want to get up. I also feel that it will rob her of any remaining dignity she has left, I know she wouldn't want this....

    So I ask what is best for mum? To make her comfortable while she's in bed and let her have peace or to keep getting her up each day potentially causing her pain and distress, because I don't think I can cope with that.

    Maybe I am being selfish, but if it was me, I wouldn't want it either.
     
  2. love.dad.but..

    love.dad.but.. Registered User

    Jan 16, 2014
    1,957
    Maidstone.Kent
    When dad was in his NH...I understood from a couple of relatives whose husbands were bed bound that staff respected that whilst a balance of encouraging a resident to be hoisted out of bed into a chair or wheelchair to try to maintain mobility and interaction with things going on in the home the person's wishes were given importance and respected ... as you say it is all about dignity as well by that stage. I can remember my FIL years ago who suddenly declined at home and my insensitive I know best BIL pulling FIL up out of his chair at home and trying to make him walk around the room...in hospital emergency admission he asked the Dr if he had been correct and was firmly told no and it was cruel to have even thought it should be suggested. FIL died 48 hours later not due to that but clearly he was coming to end of life.
     
  3. ConfusedBiker

    ConfusedBiker Registered User

    Dec 27, 2017
    18
    Thanks for your reply. I was also getting mum out of bed when clearly I shouldn't have been but SS hadn't managed to sort out an OT visit in the 6 weeks I had been asking, so I couldn't have known it was the wrong thing to do.
     
  4. Spamar

    Spamar Registered User

    Oct 5, 2013
    5,633
    Suffolk
    One thing interested me. Mums good hip is the one not replaced? It’s the opposite with me. 12 years on, my good hip is the metal one!
     
  5. ConfusedBiker

    ConfusedBiker Registered User

    Dec 27, 2017
    18
    Yeah, strangely mum used to step forward with her left leg then drag er right foot level. I can only think it was the affect of a stroke?
     
  6. Spamar

    Spamar Registered User

    Oct 5, 2013
    5,633
    Suffolk
    Sounds like it, I haven’t had those problems!
     

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