1. Chook

    Chook Registered User

    Jun 14, 2013
    Is it ever okay to shout at someone with dementia?

    I was at mum's care home this morning and the manager started shouting at one of the other residents. I was really upset by it. The poor woman had got into a bit of a tiz and didn't want to go into the dining area for lunch. The Manager started shouting at her to get into the dining room or she wasn't going to get any lunch. When this lady said But... the manager shouted JUST GET IN THERE!! like she was talking to a child.

    I know they have difficult jobs and it must be frustrating some times but it really broke my heart. It's not right is it. I didn't know what to do, if I say something I will find it very awkward going back to visit (which I do several times a week) and I worry that she'll take it out on mum. Previously the manager has always been very friendly and caring but I'm wondering if she didn't realise I was there.

    I don't want to make a big deal out of it but I feel if I say nothing it is condoning her behaviour.

  2. marionq

    marionq Registered User

    Apr 24, 2013
    I shout when I am at the end of my tether but I am not proud of it and beat myself up thinking about it. This woman is supposed to be a professional. This is her job and she needs to use coping strategies. It may be that the particular person does this all the time and no strategies have worked but shouting just upsets everyone.
  3. Chook

    Chook Registered User

    Jun 14, 2013
    I think being a relative\partner carer is quite different to being a care worker. When it's your relative or partner you have probably shouted at each other over the years and you're under a lot more pressure with hardly any time off. As you say a professional should be more in control and have strategies.
  4. min88cat

    min88cat Registered User

    Apr 6, 2010
    Definitely not on as far as I'm concerned. This woman is the Manager and as such should be setting an example to her staff. If she gives the impression that it's ok to shout at the residents in full view of everyone, what is she doing when she's in someone's room out of sight? As a professional she shoul know better!!!
  5. TinaT

    TinaT Registered User

    Sep 27, 2006
    I can well understand how difficult it is to report the manager for his/her behaviour you have witnessed as he/she is the responsible person you should report to. It is also understandable that you are worried if you did broach the subject with the manager that it might have repercussions on you or your relative's care.

    I would go on the CQC website where you can report this http://www.cqc.org.uk/content/contact-us

    There is a phone number on this webpage you could use to explain how difficult it would be for you to speak directly with the manager.

    I would not be comfortable until I reported this and I think this might be a good way to do so.

    Best wishes
  6. Spamar

    Spamar Registered User

    Oct 5, 2013
    #6 Spamar, Mar 2, 2015
    Last edited: Mar 2, 2015
    I'm with min88cat. Should never be allowed, she is meant to be a professional. Makes you wonder what the dementia training was.
  7. henfenywfach

    henfenywfach Registered User

    May 23, 2013
    Hi! Absolutely not!..we all have a rant now and again but thats when we re at the end of our tether..not a professional with qualifications!!!

    Theres never any exscuse..no matter how the person behaves...they are in their care because they can understand and are trained in dealing with the complexities...

    Seems to me theyve forgot about dignity and respect...

    Why oh why time and time again are we allowing people supposedly trained to care..to get away with it???

    Dementia or not..people deserve respect!..old age is not a tshirt saying shout at me !

    I would imagine seeing that concerned you deeply..
    If it was at my mum or dad shed be reported!
    Best wishes

    Sent from my GT-I9505 using Talking Point mobile app
  8. Chook

    Chook Registered User

    Jun 14, 2013
    I'm wondering if a nannycam might be in order.
  9. florabunda

    florabunda Registered User

    Nov 13, 2014
    For a member of staff to shout at a resident is absolutely not OK. Especially the manager, who should be maintaining standards. Why must the poor lady go into the dining room or go without food? A good home would allow her to eat in her bedroom. This bullying behaviour should be reported.
  10. Chook

    Chook Registered User

    Jun 14, 2013
    Thank you peeps, I'm going to think over what to do but I'm definitely going to complain. I wish I had loads of money, I'd start up my own care home. One full of love and understanding. I hope the manager has gone home tonight and thought about what she did.
  11. Droopy

    Droopy Registered User

    Feb 23, 2015
    I was shocked to read this, as everyone else has said shouting is not an option in this situation, you are right their job must be stressful but we all know about that! If I feel like shouting at my dad I leave the room if I can and count to 10 (or more sometimes :) ) as it would just confuse dad and upset him. I think I would have to say something albeit politely at first. You hear so many horror stories, better to be safe than sorry x
  12. Droopy

    Droopy Registered User

    Feb 23, 2015
    P.S when you open your care home I'll come and work for you :eek:. Good luck x
  13. rhapsody

    rhapsody Registered User

    Aug 14, 2012
    Firle near Lewes
    And me!!! lol I have said this many times to colleagues(wish i had the money to open a care or E.M.I. home) There is absolutely no excuse for this managers behaviour. Patience and understanding are two of the most important qualities needed in the care industry. You should report this person to C.Q.C. No matter how difficult a person is there is always a way to get through.The main way being through love,trust and understanding. These people are all alone when their families are not there to watch over them. Some dont even have families to watch over their welfare. So building a relationship of trust with carers is so important. How must this lady feel to be shouted at!! She is not a child and should not be treated as one.Dignity and respect come into this. Thankgoodness for people like you, that have their eyes open to the needs of others .
  14. Saffie

    Saffie Registered User

    Mar 26, 2011
    Near Southampton
    This is wrong on many counts. If the manager does that, it means that other staff can not be reprimanded by her for doing likewise, and maybe worse. She is totally unprofessional.
    It makes me feel very sick to think that someone can behave like this to vulnerable people in their care. It's not dissimilar to what we have seen on television and is an abuse of the trust others have put in her.
    She is not leading by example and really should not be in control of the home as she is not fit for purpose.
  15. Angela T

    Angela T Registered User

    Jul 13, 2014
    No it is not OK for a CH manager to shout.

    if she does that when people are around, how does she behave when no-one else is there to see ?

    It is very distressing - we all know there is abuse in CHs, we all hope it is not happening to our mums and dads... but we are not there all the time, we have to trust the staff to show RESPECT - at ALL times - to our vulnerable, confused and no doubt often "difficult" family members.
  16. pesky82

    pesky82 Registered User

    Mar 4, 2015
    ABUSE of Dementia Patients and their loved ones.

    Abuse of the vulnerable will never be eradicated but targeting the 'Cover Up ' merchants will be a huge step forward. All the vulnerable in our society need this protection especially Dementia sufferers, who so often are but children in an adult body. I have spent 3 years endeavouring to find out who was responsible for 'Illegally' depriving a 77 year old dementia sufferer of her liberty and her last Christmas in her own bed in her own home; where she wanted to be.
    Visit retfordtimes.co.uk. add your post and support John Mann MP and pesky82 in their determination to stamp out abuse. pesky82 is focussed on stamping out abuse of Dementia sufferer's everywhere Pesky has been snapping at the heels of the NHS for 3 long years, he has no intention of giving up.

  17. Adcat

    Adcat Registered User

    Jun 15, 2014
    Hi Chook,
    I have just read this thread and it made my blood run cold.
    I hope you find the courage to report this. It's completely unacceptable. This manager is in a leadership role and needs to be challenged.
    If I win the lottery (or rather when :D) and I become a full time philanthropist (I have a dream!) I'll finance the nursing home!
    Keep strong
  18. Bill Owen

    Bill Owen Registered User

    Feb 17, 2014
    yes let her know

    my wife has lewy body . and if this care was to shouted
    at my wife . I will let her know. she is there to help and under stand
  19. CJinUSA

    CJinUSA Registered User

    Jan 20, 2014
    eastern USA
    I find myself so saddened by this thread. If we can't trust the "professionals" to be professional, then who is trustworthy? Why can't the person eat when she chooses or feels the need to? Suppose she had needed to use a rest room prior to going in to dine? Suppose she was not feeling well? Who is to know what goes on behind the closed doors when all the family leaves? I'm so sorry you witnessed this but glad as well: the manager must be reported. I can so understand your concern about retaliation. Tina offered a good solution. Next time try to get a photo or video of the behavior.

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