What would you do about this?Am I too fussy?

Discussion in 'ARCHIVE FORUM: Support discussions' started by NancyD, Mar 30, 2008.

  1. NancyD

    NancyD Registered User

    Mar 23, 2008
    42
    North east
    Do you think this is right everyone? I went to see my mam yesterday and she was soaking wet all down her front and socks, she had obviously spilled her tea more than one cup by how wet she was. Her eye is still yellow pus. We took her to her room to change her (she was wearing someone elses trousers size 16 and she is probably a 10 now) When we looked in her wardrobe she hardly had any clothes in. We were told to look in the lost property... the activity room. It was full of clothes. We managed to find 2 of her trousers but her lovely skirts were no-where to be seen. The carer said "There are 6 more bin bags full of lost property downstairs" The nurse told me her eye is like that because she holds her head on one side and they are wiping it with wipes and cold water. We have asked several times to have her eye checked by a doctor. There is actually a sore in the corner of her eye now where it is weeping. Her backside was also bleeding.
     
  2. Grannie G

    Grannie G Volunteer Moderator

    Apr 3, 2006
    69,578
    Kent
    No you are not too fussy.
    Ask for a meeting with the management, ask to see your mother`s care plan and ask for an explanation of this neglect.
     
  3. BeckyJan

    BeckyJan Registered User

    Nov 28, 2005
    18,972
    Derbyshire
    NO you are not being too fussy. Your Mum needs medical attention and if the Care Home Staff are not prepared to call a medic in then perhaps you should tell them clearly that you are going to do so. It does sound like neglect to me.

    My husband is in hospital and I have been dismayed at some 'neglect' - in the past few days I have been far more assertive and it is getting results. Its as if the staff test us to the limit before they clock into action.

    I hope you get some satisfaction soon.

    Love Jan
     
  4. hendy

    hendy Registered User

    Feb 20, 2008
    506
    West Yorkshire
    Dear Nancy
    No you are not being fussy. Your mum deserves much better. The bleeding and sore eye are real causes for concern. The yellow discharge from the eye is infection and it needs prescription medicine. If its been like that for some days, then whatever the home are doing, its not working. If her bottom was bleeding, then the care home should be able to explain why it was and what they have done about it. If you're not happy, you could get the GP to come and look at mum, tell the doctor that you are very worried about her general condition. They will be able to tell you exactly what the problems are and will be able to treat them.
    take care
    hendy
     
  5. NancyD

    NancyD Registered User

    Mar 23, 2008
    42
    North east
    The carers just dont seem able to cope they have so many people who are in an advanced stage of dementia.
     
  6. Grannie G

    Grannie G Volunteer Moderator

    Apr 3, 2006
    69,578
    Kent
    Well done Jan. :)
    Sorry about the neglect, but good to hear you are being listened to.
    Love xx
     
  7. NancyD

    NancyD Registered User

    Mar 23, 2008
    42
    North east
    Also the doctor refused to come out the last time we mentioned it and said the carers would monitor it.Thank you all for replying and giving me advice.It really helps.
     
  8. connie

    connie Registered User

    Mar 7, 2004
    9,519
    Frinton-on-Sea
    Dear Nancy, what a sad situation to find yourself in.

    That is not your concern, mum is. You must speak to a member of management, and/or senior staff. Ask them to call a doctor, they cannot refuse you.

    Have your concerns in writing ready to show whoever you manage to contact. It does sound like neglect from what you have said.

    Stay firm and strong. Please let us know how you get on, if you can.
     
  9. TinaT

    TinaT Registered User

    Sep 27, 2006
    7,095
    Bolton
    What a disgraceful situation to find your mum in. This is certainly not being fussy! The first and most important thing is to get your mum seen by a doctor of course. I would suggest that weepy, yellow, puss is not normally caused by holding the head in one position but because of some infection. Regarding the clothing situation, I would want to know why your mother had not been changed out of wet clothing and why her own clothes are not hanging in her wardrobe. I would ask to see the manager and in no uncertain terms insist that all of these things are put right a.s.a.p.

    Make a very big fuss about ALL the things you have mentioned. There is no excuse for this general neglect which she is suffering. May I suggest that you list these complaints to your MP (you can find the e mail address of any MP by putting the name 'Members of Parliament'in your search engine) and to the CSCI in an e mail, their address is enquiries@csci.gsi.gov.uk. They may not take immediate action but your complaint will go on their records and the next time the home is inspected, the areas you have highlighted must be looked at.

    My thoughts are with you in this most disressing situation.

    xxTinaT
     
  10. Margarita

    Margarita Registered User

    Feb 17, 2006
    10,824
    london
    #10 Margarita, Mar 30, 2008
    Last edited: Mar 30, 2008

    I would also agree with that , as my mother always has her head in one position when sitting up , because she can't hold the weight of her head anymore like she use to , also when laying down she stay in one position & my mother never had an a weepy , yellow puss because of that .


    I know I am no doctor , but I have only seen that happen to my children when they where babies . does sound like an eye infection.


    No way are you being to fussy , kick up as much fuss as you like so they know your on they case when it come to your mother care.

    I also get that issue with the clothes , when mum go into respite care homes so I tag all mums clothes with her name on it but still clothes go missing or mum have clothes that are not hers . some respite care home are better then other as she has come home with all the right clothes as they have the number of her room on them , that she was in .

    Good luck , let us all know how you get on .
     
  11. citybythesea

    citybythesea Registered User

    Mar 23, 2008
    632
    coast of texas
    I sympathize with your situation. If you feel she is being neglected you have a right to be heard. I don't know the laws over in UK but I do know that here in the U.S. that is called neglect and a home can loose it's license if it reported and found to be true. I hate to say it but sometimes a little bullying done in a gentle way can straighten things out in an honest atmosphere. Just remind them they have an obligation...you are paying them to take care of her. Too many dementia patients is just a cop out. Maybe they need to hire more help or send some patients elsewhere. Neglect is not a way of taking care of a person.
     
  12. hendy

    hendy Registered User

    Feb 20, 2008
    506
    West Yorkshire
    Dear Nancy
    To add to my earlier post, I would insist on the GP seeing your mum, I am very surprised that they refused(!). I think if you explain all your concerns to the GP, they would be obliged to come an see mum. Perhaps you could write them a note so you dont have to tell they receptionist the whole story and the doc can get it first hand. You're very good at writing letters after all!
    take care
    hendy
    ps I have sent you a PM
     
  13. CraigC

    CraigC Registered User

    Mar 21, 2003
    6,630
    London
    Nancy, unfortunately I think you need to escallate things. If the GP has not been out alread with some kind of diagnosis they I cannot see how he/she can refuse.

    Is it the homes GP or your mums own GP. Either way you need to contact them directly in my humble opinion.

    Good luck and keep us posted
    Craig
     
  14. ishard

    ishard Registered User

    Jul 10, 2007
    98
    Nancy you asked at the begining of ths post the question "Am I too fussy?"

    Put things this way, if you wouldnt accept people treating you in this way, then the answer is simply 'No!'

    Go fight them girl!
     
  15. NancyD

    NancyD Registered User

    Mar 23, 2008
    42
    North east
    I've spoken to the Social Worker and CSCI and waiting for a call back from the Doctor.
    The CSCI are looking into it immediately because of all my other concerns.
     
  16. Kate P

    Kate P Registered User

    Jul 6, 2007
    565
    Merseyside
    Well done Nancy - you're doing the right thing - I would be furious if I were you.

    Have they said anything yet about the doctor coming out - I would push very hard about that because undiagnosed eye infections can go on to cause real damage to the eye - both you and your mum have enough to be getting on with without additional problems that can be avoided.

    Good luck - I hope you get the results you need.
     
  17. hendy

    hendy Registered User

    Feb 20, 2008
    506
    West Yorkshire
    Dear Nancy
    Your are absolutely doing the right thing. Only stop 'getting on' at them until your are 100% sure your mum is going to be ok. I hope its a senior social worker thats involved, it should be. Your mum should not have to suffer anymore of this neglect, not for a single second.
    Keep getting on at them!
    take care
    hendy
     
  18. TinaT

    TinaT Registered User

    Sep 27, 2006
    7,095
    Bolton
    Good on yer Nancy - keep going until you are satified. You have very good reasons to complain! xxTinaT
     
  19. Grannie G

    Grannie G Volunteer Moderator

    Apr 3, 2006
    69,578
    Kent
    Well done Nancy.

    We must speak for those who can`t speak for themselves.
     
  20. Louise.D

    Louise.D Registered User

    Apr 13, 2007
    68
    Essex
    Too right. If you can, put all your complaints in writing and request a written response or a meeting.

    You are not fussy you just want your mother cared for. She cannot look after herself and that's why she's where she is!!!

    Once the home know that your on the case, they will soon get their act together.

    I made two formal complaints about the care of my mother, they didn't like it at all but they did change the way they did things for the better and employed additional staff. So the results were positive.

    Good Luck
     

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