What would other people do ?

[LizK]

I'd cancel. Two years ago, my husband and I were in Spain on a beach we know well. He went into the water and suddenly I couldn't see him. I knew he hadn't drowned as he doesn't go out of his depth. The beach was a mile long. I was burned by the sun as I ran up and down looking for him. Finally I asked the life guard to help. she had a walkie-talkie and talked to another life guard at the other end on the beach. He was found after 30 min sitting on someone's bed on their towel as happy as Larry! I've not been on holiday with him since.......Too stressful.

Liz

 

[BR_ANA]

If were me, I would put him on respite (as breaks are necessary) and then I could do the big travel alone or with a friend, or just cancel it and stay at home sleeping all day.

 

[Morganlefay]

Have only just managed to get to the computer, but a big THANK YOU to everyone who has answered my question. I am trying to talk to him about holiday, and we had a good chat about it while I was driving us the other day - captive audience, and he couldn't just pretend he hadn't heard me, so I have asked him to think about it, and i'll do it a;; over again in a few days. We still have time to cancel. I always think that people on here are so much braver and also more accepting than i am, I just always feel like rage, rage, raging against the dying of the light, but I know there's no point, it's just how our lives are going to be, and no one ever said we'd get fairness in life, did they ? Thank you all so much for sad stories about your experiences, it is so comforting to know that I'm not alone, and it is so generous of you all to share these sad memories which will help me decide what to do.
with love and gratitude,
Morgan

 

[Scarlett123]

Have only just managed to get to the computer, but a big THANK YOU to everyone who has answered my question. I am trying to talk to him about holiday, and we had a good chat about it while I was driving us the other day - captive audience, and he couldn't just pretend he hadn't heard me, so I have asked him to think about it, and i'll do it a;; over again in a few days. We still have time to cancel. I always think that people on here are so much braver and also more accepting than i am, I just always feel like rage, rage, raging against the dying of the light, but I know there's no point, it's just how our lives are going to be, and no one ever said we'd get fairness in life, did they ? Thank you all so much for sad stories about your experiences, it is so comforting to know that I'm not alone, and it is so generous of you all to share these sad memories which will help me decide what to do.
with love and gratitude,
Morgan

This is the most wonderful thing about Talking Point. Somebody explains their situation, and asks what others would do, and the answers they get are based on solid and sound experience. Unfortunately, when you ask for advice from people in The Real World, their answers are invariably something like "well, if I was in your position ..........", but they haven't been in it, so it's hypothetical.

Someone else asked advice about holidays recently, on another thread, and I replied that even a 10 minute drive down the road to look at some trees, in autumn, was wasted on my husband. When we arrived home, 10 minutes later, and I said how glorious the tress had looked, he just stared at me blankly, and said "is it Thursday?", which he would ask me a zillion times each day.

I too felt, and still feel, angry, cheated, and jealous of the people who have never had Alzheimer's in their lives and haven't the slightest idea how it impacts on everything. Whatever you decide, at least you now have the experience of several TP folk to refer to, and whatever your problem, there's always someone on here who knows exactly what you mean.

I wish you well. xxx

 

[Yanni]

This is the most wonderful thing about Talking Point. Somebody explains their situation, and asks what others would do, and the answers they get are based on solid and sound experience. Unfortunately, when you ask for advice from people in The Real World, their answers are invariably something like "well, if I was in your position ..........", but they haven't been in it, so it's hypothetical.

Someone else asked advice about holidays recently, on another thread, and I replied that even a 10 minute drive down the road to look at some trees, in autumn, was wasted on my husband. When we arrived home, 10 minutes later, and I said how glorious the tress had looked, he just stared at me blankly, and said "is it Thursday?", which he would ask me a zillion times each day.

I too felt, and still feel, angry, cheated, and jealous of the people who have never had Alzheimer's in their lives and haven't the slightest idea how it impacts on everything. Whatever you decide, at least you now have the experience of several TP folk to refer to, and whatever your problem, there's always someone on here who knows exactly what you mean.

I wish you well. xxx

I know the dilemma you are in. Last year we went on a cruise, five days only, around the Norwegian fjords. My OH is very fit and disappeared on a number of occasions, including during the night. The cruise was aimed at older people and the crew were obviously used to rounding up those who got lost but it meant that I couldn't do a thing unless he was glued to my side. And he still managed to 'escape' the moment I turned my back. Never again. Cancel, hard and painful though that decision may be.

 

[stanleypj]

I can't disagree with all the cancel advice. My situation is very different. I just know that where we are now a holiday would probably be just too much - for me. Sue wouldn't complain. In fact when my brother and SiL were recently asking whether we had any plans and I was explaining, they said - they were sitting opposite us - that Sue's eyes lit up when we mentioned holidays.

Like others, I don't think that at the moment i could contemplate a holiday away from Sue
either so my respite has to be achieved during the days or evenings at times when the carers are here and don't actually need my help.

 

[Scarlett123]

I can't disagree with all the cancel advice. My situation is very different. I just know that where we are now a holiday would probably be just too much - for me. Sue wouldn't complain. In fact when my brother and SiL were recently asking whether we had any plans and I was explaining, they said - they were sitting opposite us - that Sue's eyes lit up when we mentioned holidays.

Like others, I don't think that at the moment i could contemplate a holiday away from Sue
either so my respite has to be achieved during the days or evenings at times when the carers are here and don't actually need my help.

And you are so right Stanley. You are such a devoted husband to Sue, and as you say, your respite has to be in bite-size chunks, rather than a whole slice.

 

[stanleypj]

Thanks Scarlett. I feel lucky that I get at least the short breaks that I do. I know that many carers get very little respite - or none at all.