What to say...

Heylowe

Registered User
Mar 15, 2015
51
0
just a quick one - what do I say to my dad who is going into care today (he's been housebound for 6mths)
Do I say it's to give my mum a break
Do I say we're just off out for a trip
I'm really stuck - - he'll be confused and frightened ...
any advice would be greatly appreciated thanks
 

Louise7

Volunteer Host
Mar 25, 2016
4,694
0
Say whatever you think will work with your Dad. Personally I'd avoid the 'we're just off out for a trip' approach. If you think the 'it's to give Mum a break' approach would work use that, or maybe say that the doctor has suggested it? It's a difficult conversation to have but you know your Dad best so will know what is least likely to confuse or frighten him. Hope the move goes well.
 

Autumnal

Registered User
Jan 9, 2016
17
0
Hi, I asked the same question on Wednesday and I put mum (who has mid stage Alzheimers) into care on Thursday. Ours was an emergency respite until she goes into sheltered accommodation. But she has settled in that well and can’t look after her own personal care needs etc, we aren’t going to move her. In the end I decided not to say anything on the day until we got to the home. I said we were going for a wee drive. Mum’s bags were packed and I kept them out of sight. When we arrived I said we were just going in to have a look round to see if she could stay for a few days while her heating at home is being fixed and she was happy to do that. CH staff were amazing with her, so relaxed and friendly, so in the end she was happy to stay. I went home Thurs night and had the first nights sleep without worry in months. I was so relieved she was in safe hands. I have been up everyday since and she is settled, happy and already made a new friend (they are like a double act and quite hilarious). She hasn’t once asked ‘when can I go home’ which she did constantly when she lived in her own house. Try not to worry too much about today - so that dad doesn’t pick up on your anxiety. I couldn’t have imagined it would be this positive. It also frees me up to begin to really enjoy spending time with mum again rather than being exhausted and worried about her all the time. Good luck today x
 

LadyA

Registered User
Oct 19, 2009
13,730
0
Ireland
A hard time, @Heylowe . "The Doctor says" is always good, and in fact, my husband's consultant and cpn told me to tell him that the doctor had arranged it, so that he could "build up his strength" where he had lots of staff to look after him instead of just me. And to keep repeating, if he asked about going home, that the doctor felt he wasn't up to his full strength yet, and was much better where he was.
 

Heylowe

Registered User
Mar 15, 2015
51
0
Hi, I asked the same question on Wednesday and I put mum (who has mid stage Alzheimers) into care on Thursday. Ours was an emergency respite until she goes into sheltered accommodation. But she has settled in that well and can’t look after her own personal care needs etc, we aren’t going to move her. In the end I decided not to say anything on the day until we got to the home. I said we were going for a wee drive. Mum’s bags were packed and I kept them out of sight. When we arrived I said we were just going in to have a look round to see if she could stay for a few days while her heating at home is being fixed and she was happy to do that. CH staff were amazing with her, so relaxed and friendly, so in the end she was happy to stay. I went home Thurs night and had the first nights sleep without worry in months. I was so relieved she was in safe hands. I have been up everyday since and she is settled, happy and already made a new friend (they are like a double act and quite hilarious). She hasn’t once asked ‘when can I go home’ which she did constantly when she lived in her own house. Try not to worry too much about today - so that dad doesn’t pick up on your anxiety. I couldn’t have imagined it would be this positive. It also frees me up to begin to really enjoy spending time with mum again rather than being exhausted and worried about her all the time. Good luck today x
Oh how lovely - I hope ours goes as smoothly. Ours is respite with the view to a permanent place. Thank you for posting everyone - this site has got me through the last few days!
My mum is ready to back out but we've got to be strong & see how he gets on. He has got badly infected feet so I might play it that the dr says it will be the best place for a few days until they get better. So hard but so many people have to go through it.
 

love.dad.but..

Registered User
Jan 16, 2014
4,962
0
Kent
Oh how lovely - I hope ours goes as smoothly. Ours is respite with the view to a permanent place. Thank you for posting everyone - this site has got me through the last few days!
My mum is ready to back out but we've got to be strong & see how he gets on. He has got badly infected feet so I might play it that the dr says it will be the best place for a few days until they get better. So hard but so many people have to go through it.
Yes...anything visibly that your dad can see and relate your reason to at the time...don't worry that he forgets just keep repeating... is a good idea...as you can refer to his feet each time and say look the Dr says they still need to heal
 

For-my-Dad

Registered User
Mar 4, 2016
20
0
When taking my dad permanently into a care home 3 months ago, I said it was to give " mum a break and the Gp recommended it." 3 months on and I still have to resort to this. Since coming onto the forum, hearing the term " Love lies" has comforted me.