What to do?

Silver Lining

Registered User
Nov 20, 2013
224
My OH is in a Care/Nursing Home, he continually asked me for a mobile phone and I bought him the most basic one I could. Yesterday and 21 empty voicemails later, minus - £17 credit, put another £10 credit on, but I have turned my Voicemail facility off so the phone rings and cuts off with no charge!

I have visited him today for 3 hours, spoken to him for about 15 minutes ago on the phone, and now have had another 2 phone calls which I have felt guilty and not answered them, I did tell a white lie and said I was going to bed early.

I knew giving him a phone would be questionable and I have been proved right. I guess I am looking for some advice please. Silver Lining :(:(:(:(:(:(
 

katie1

Registered User
Aug 5, 2014
122
Kendal Cumbria
My OH is in a Care/Nursing Home, he continually asked me for a mobile phone and I bought him the most basic one I could. Yesterday and 21 empty voicemails later, minus - £17 credit, put another £10 credit on, but I have turned my Voicemail facility off so the phone rings and cuts off with no charge!

I have visited him today for 3 hours, spoken to him for about 15 minutes ago on the phone, and now have had another 2 phone calls which I have felt guilty and not answered them, I did tell a white lie and said I was going to bed early.

I knew giving him a phone would be questionable and I have been proved right. I guess I am looking for some advice please. Silver Lining :(:(:(:(:(:(
I know it might be against his 'rights' or something.....but could you give the phone to his key worker "for safe keeping" and ask them to give it to him at a specific time each day? Then you will be able to plan your time for your phone call chats and they can maybe bring him a box to put it in "for safe keeping" that they then take away until phone call time the next day?
Or does that take away his independence too much, or rely on others too much....I don't know, just an idea, might not work?
 

Silver Lining

Registered User
Nov 20, 2013
224
I know it might be against his 'rights' or something.....but could you give the phone to his key worker "for safe keeping" and ask them to give it to him at a specific time each day? Then you will be able to plan your time for your phone call chats and they can maybe bring him a box to put it in "for safe keeping" that they then take away until phone call time the next day?
Or does that take away his independence too much, or rely on others too much....I don't know, just an idea, might not work?
Thanks for your advice I bought the mobile because he kept asking to use the Homes landline, he has no conception of time or the amount of times he has rung, I suspect he may be trying to work out how to use it as he has just rung again and when I picked the call up he didn't speak and I could hear his cd player in the background.
I am just hoping the novelty will wear off !! SL
 

Essie

Registered User
Feb 11, 2015
563
If you put 'dummy phone' into Ebay there are a quite a few examples that look completely real and they are very reasonable prices - under a fiver - could you perhaps get one that looks like the one he has at the moment and do a sneaky swap......
 

esmeralda

Registered User
Nov 27, 2014
3,072
Devon
Tricky. Does he have a PAYG phone. If you are on the same network some providers don't charge for calls as long as you top up £10 every 3 months. That would save you some money anyway. You could have another phone dedicated to calls just from your husband's phone. It might seem unkind but it may be best that you don't always take his calls so that he gets used to the idea that you won't always be able to answer. You can then turn your phone off. If he expects you to be available at all times this might actually increase his anxiety. Like Katie said, just suggestions. Hope you find something whch works.
Es
xxxxxxxx
 

Not so Rosy

Registered User
Nov 30, 2013
578
I had to take away Dads mobile, also I didn't have a landline installed in his Care Home room. Dad was completely obsessed with ringing me every few minutes. The Care Home had to gaffer tape up the public phone too.

Eventually we decided on a night night call each evening from the managers office would be nice and at least I knew he was going to bed settled. Took Dad a few weeks to accept it, then he forgot about ringing altogether. He only rings now if he feels anxious about something or wants to ask me a question.
 

Silver Lining

Registered User
Nov 20, 2013
224
Thank you everyone for your ideas, my OH rang throughout the night on his phone but I had mine turned off. Multiple phone calls today to myself and our Daughter, even on the landline. I have asked the Matron of the Home if she has any ideas how we can get over this, I am sure she has experienced this before.

My OH sounds absolutely shattered obviously because he has had hardly any sleep. I am sure things will work out - it goes to show that ideas that we may think beneficial doesn't work out with someone with AD.

Silver Lining.
 

WIFE

Registered User
May 23, 2014
856
WEST SUSSEX
Recognise the problem Silver Lining - have to say that my husband's urge to use the phone only lasted a few months when he went to the NH but he ran up quite a bill even so. In the end I just didn't put anymore credit onto the mobile and the staff removed the land phone telling him the connection was broken and had to wait for the Maintenance man to come back from his holiday before it could be mended. He soon gave up using the mobile thinking that nobody he phoned was ever in. It was quite traumatic but when he began not to recognise me on the phone when he rang I realised it was a fruitless venture in reality for him anyway. Good luck
 

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