What to do?


Registered User
Jul 25, 2006
Romford Essex
Would like to ask for advice from all you knowledgeable folks please. Mum-in-law is rapidly going downhill. We still do not have a formal diagnosis although GP has said he thinks it is dementia, comparing it to my mother, who has AZ, I think mum-in-law has vascular dementia. Social worker eventually came the Tuesday before Christmas and to give her credit a carer started calling for half an hour in the morning on the Thursday, she said she would arrange for OT and incontience lady to also call but with it being Christmas and New Year could not say when. Hubby and his brother have been taking it in turns to sleep at her house, on the floor, as she insists she cannot lay in bed and is sleeping bolt upright on the sofa. I have bought a V pillow as she jerks awake when her head falls backwards, she refuses to put her feet up on the sofa, says they irritate her. Keeps saying she does not know where she is, tries to turn the telly over by pressing the buttons on the phone etc. She is also getting irritable and more immobile by the day. This situation cannot continue as both of them are back at work tomorrow, hubby was actually in on Friday as emergency cover after a grim day/night with our youngest in hospital and seeing to his mum.

Does anyone know if we can insist on her being taken into temporary emergency care, I am very worried about hubbys' health, he has very high blood pressure which is not now being controlled by his medication, we have had a bad year with one thing and another and with this last situation it is spiralling out of control, I do what I can but mum and my sister take up most of the time that I am not at work, especially with their imminent move. Would we have a case for a hospital admission would just like some advice as to what to do tomorrow, hubby tried phoning emergency social services on Friday but no luck, told to ring on Tuesday. Sorry for the long ramble.

Grannie G

Volunteer Moderator
Apr 3, 2006
Hello Nels, I`m sure you can get emergency care for your Mother-in-law, as she is obviously at risk, especially if she is left alone.
For a carer to come once a day is simply not enough and even if she gets OT and incontinence advice, she is still by herself for most of the time.
I wouldn`t be at all surprised if emergency care is recommended on Tuesday[tomorrow].
I hope so, for all your sakes. Please let us know how you get on. Sylvia


Registered User
Jul 2, 2006
Newport, Gwent
Hi Nells

I think you need to get a proper diagnosis. Has the GP ruled out a UTI? My mum became very confused a little while ago, we thought a rapid decline due to her AD, turned out she had a UTI, once she had antibiotics and this cleared up she was back to her old self (well, as much as she could be with the AD).

I'm not suggesting that this is the case with your MIL, however it does seem that you need full diagnostic tests for her.

I would have a good talk with the Social Worker asap, and lay it on the line you are now, as a family, unable to cope. Sadly the Service is so stretched, they will let you cope, if you dont shout HELP.

Also I would call out the GP again, and ask for a referral to a Consulant, once this has been done, ask who the referral has been made to, and then chase this via the Consultants secretary. There will, no doubt, be a waiting list, but I'm sure if you say that you feel that MIL is at risk, the appointment can be expedited quickly.

Good luck


Registered User
Jun 27, 2006
I'm afraid to say this, but I think you're all, collectively, going to have to throw a fit of the screaming collywobbles to get the help you need. (As a sidebar - what is the point of emergency social services if you're told to ring on Tuesday? :mad: )

As other's have found, if you cope, you will be allowed to cope. This is not the time for reticence, or the well-known "stiff upper lip".

Perhaps I'm feeling particularly bitter at the moment, but it seems to me the country's going to hell in a handbasket.



Registered User
Feb 24, 2006
My father died on a Saturday and Social Services arranged for my mother to be immediately admitted to a local care home where she stayed until we found a permanent placement for her. She had stayed in this home before on respite which possibly made things easier but nevertheless it was all done very quickly.

There must sadly be situations where the only carer is taken seriously ill or dies and the person they care for needs immediate placement. I am sure this is as likely to happen on a Bank Holiday or weekend as at any other time. As has previously been stated, 'emergency' Social Services contacts should be able to respond immediately - I am sure they do where the welfare of children is concerned.

I hope you manage to arrange something soon.


Registered User
Jul 25, 2006
Romford Essex
Thanks again for all your replies. MIL has been on antibiotics about 6 weeks ago for an ear infection. She has recently had blood tests for all and sundry, still waiting for results.... Doc has prescribed stemetil for vertigo/dizziness, which my mothers doc will not prescribe for the elderly! Have asked for an alternative medication to see if that improves situation, will chase this up tomorrow. Have also typed a letter to GP which I will make urgent and drop in tonight so that it is there first thing. Hubby has said he will phone SS in the morning but I am going to ring first to inform them about his health, will probably come over as a scheming daughter-in-law but will lay it on the line, have told him he is going to have to make a fuss, something he does not like doing.