What to do??

[deva]

new member

Hello
Possibly posting into wrong box, wrong sort of message but I reckon people visiting this site can probably cope with anything. so please be patient with me.

Anyone got advice about how to help elderly father visiting his wife, who has dementia, in hospital at least twice a day (for at least an hour at a time) and then getting very, very upset because she begs to go home with him, or out in the car with him. Then accuses him of having affairs. All unreal. He gets so upset.

Also, anyone got experience of what you can do if someone has dementia and has not done a will, nor arranged enduring power of attorney (fortunately has very little money and no capital or property). Are there any ways we can help my father to organise what little money he has (also no capital or property) so that it is not 'frozen' in the event of Mum's death. He is worrying about it all.

Also any tips on breaking through the deadlock the hospital wanting her out in three weeks and no residential nursing home places available for at least ten??? She is local authority funded (small contribution using OAP and Pension Credit)

Many thanks
Deva

 

[Brucie]

Hello Deva and welcome to Talking Point.

I have moved your post to a thread of its own as I think that people were missing it when it was in the 'hallucinations' thread.

Best wishes

 

[Kathleen]

Hello Deva

I am sorry to hear about your poor Dad. I can't give any financial advice, Age Concern were very helpful to my Nan who was in a state about money at one time, they even went to her home and filled in the forms for her.

Also, if your Dads wife needs residential care, Social Services should help you, they were useless for us, but others have very postive help.

I can suggest a tip about the visiting problem, which has worked for us at times with my Mum when she was unsettled and distressed about us leaving.

We asked for someone to be with her when we were ready to go, just telling Mum we were popping to the toilet or getting a drink and then leaving without saying goodbye, it would avoidher begging to go with us, which is heart breaking and does no-one any good.

The short term memory loss can actually work out quite well in these circumstances as we could leave without a fuss and she would be ok about it.

We all have to use white lies at times with our loved ones just to get us through the day.

I hope your Dad will have a better time of it in the future

Kathleen
xx

 

[deva]

Thank you very much.

I shall share the idea about leave taking with the rest of the family as I am sure it would help. The main problem will be that Dad does not believe that Mum does not remember from one day to another. For example, if he has told her he will be in at '11 o'clock tomorrow' he will move heaven and earth to be there because 'otherwise she will fret'.

I am grateful for your advice and interest.

Deva