1. Q&A: Looking after yourself as a carer - Friday 25 January, 3-4pm

    As a carer for a person living with dementia, the needs of that person will often come before your own, and this can mean that you don't always look after yourself.

    However, it's important for both you and the person you care for. But how do you do that properly?

    Our next expert Q&A will be on looking after yourself as a carer. It will be hosted by Angelo from our Knowledge Services team, who focuses on wellbeing. He'll be answering your questions on Friday 25 January between 3-4pm.

    You can either post questions >here< or email them to us at talkingpoint@alzheimers.org.uk and we'll answer as many as we can on the day.

What to do

Discussion in 'I care for a person with dementia' started by Harli, Jan 12, 2019 at 7:30 PM.

  1. Harli

    Harli Registered User

    Jun 5, 2017
    16
    My Dad is 83 and has dementia. He lived at home with Mum with regular care visits until Mum died in October 2018. Dad was then placed in emergency care as he was unable to be on his own for long periods and overnight care was costing a fortune. The care home he was placed in was supposed to be a dementia care home but it was understaffed and badly run. The home manager got Dad prescribed anti depressants over the telephone without a doctor even seeing him or telling us. The reason being he wandered at night and wouldn’t sleep. The care workers told us confidentially that they didn’t like giving Dad the antidepressants as he didn’t need them but the home manager insisted. We fell out with the home manager over this and as a result, I believe, she wrote a report saying Dad was agressive, had grabbed a care worker by the throat, would call other ladies by Mum’s name and had challenging behaviours they couldn’t handle. I believe this was mostly lies. We wanted Dad moved ASAP so found an amazing care home that he liked, the care workers were great and engaged with the residents, it had a happy and homely atmosphere. They assessed Dad and were happy to take him, they even had a room free. But as a result of the report the social worker insisted he was sent to a dementia nursing home (it was also cheaper). He’s been there 4 weeks, he’s lost multiple items of clothing, his wedding ring has gone missing, he’s had an eye infection, has grade 2 pressure sores and he cries all the time saying he’s lonely and has no one to talk to. He doesn’t eat a lot but no one has thought about getting him the meal supplement shakes he used to have at home. The GP, they have assigned him is more interested in his end of life wishes. When I last visited and took him back to his room I found another resident asleep in his bed. The home is focused on nursing care, as it has to be, so there isn’t much in the way of community engagement or activities, there isn’t even an enclosed garden. The nursing staff are great but the care workers seem disinterested. At his 4 week review the social worker agreed he had shown no signs of any of the behaviours reported by the previous care home and that a nursing home wasn’t actually the best place for him. We made a few suggestions as to how they could maybe help Dad feel more settled with the ultimate aim to move him to the care home we originally wanted as soon as a room becomes available if the council will agree to fund it. They seem more keen on the nursing home making changes to his care plan and keeping him there. We are making a formal complaint about the previous home. I’m so stressed about all this, I feel totally powerless and I don’t want my Dad’s final years to be so distressing for him. We have an LPA but it all comes down to cost and we can’t top up his care fees much as we wish we could.
     
  2. Shedrech

    Shedrech Volunteer Moderator

    Dec 15, 2012
    6,846
    Yorkshire
    hi @Harli
    I have no helpful suggestions but wanted to respond to offer sympathy - your poor dad and you are really being put through the mill
     
  3. Harli

    Harli Registered User

    Jun 5, 2017
    16
    Thanks Shedrech.
     

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