1. Q&A: Looking after yourself as a carer - Friday 25 January, 3-4pm

    As a carer for a person living with dementia, the needs of that person will often come before your own, and this can mean that you don't always look after yourself.

    However, it's important for both you and the person you care for. But how do you do that properly?

    Our next expert Q&A will be on looking after yourself as a carer. It will be hosted by Angelo from our Knowledge Services team, who focuses on wellbeing. He'll be answering your questions on Friday 25 January between 3-4pm.

    You can either post questions >here< or email them to us at talkingpoint@alzheimers.org.uk and we'll answer as many as we can on the day.

What to do with dad

Discussion in 'I care for a person with dementia' started by deepetshopboy, Jan 11, 2019 at 8:44 PM.

  1. deepetshopboy

    deepetshopboy Registered User

    Jul 7, 2008
    77
    hi all i posted on here before with dad 71 dementia declined very bad in last 6 months (lives alone with cat )in a council flat ground floor me (daughter doing everything) no carers anyway in the last month managed to get him on mementine and some carers (private )coming next week against hes wishes by me pretending there cleaners there only coming 2 hours once a week to do some cleaning and run the bath just so i can have a morning out /break he was against carers saying he would tell them to eff off , hoping to increase the care bit by bit in the near future to maybe 2 extra hours another morning .today took him and looked at a assistance living home in shelter housing with mix of people with care needs and didnt like it was smelly and flat small very intense carers do all cooking medication
    He would have to change drs carers come in assisted living own carers he cannot bring hes cat not sure its right for him plus its going be expensive dad has secretly saved up 18.000 .not sure if he will get help with costs sorry to sound moany its not ideal either way as hes not really safe in hes flat living alone either and not getting enough carers .any thoughts on assistented living or thinking of sheltrersd dads not able to gofar from hes home can get a paper in local shop go on the bus to my house 3 miles away but at least has some independence i feel
    Going into asistent living will tip him over and he wont have any independence
     
  2. silkiest

    silkiest Registered User

    Feb 9, 2017
    35
    My sister in law wanted my MIL to go into assisted living. After much discussion we decided against it as MIL's short term memory is very poor - she would not be able to find anything in a new place and neither would she be able to remember to tell any support staff if she had a problem she needed help with. I have to rely on clues (such as her carrying a dud light bulb in her handbag which led me to check all the lamps and find one not working), but support staff do not go looking for problems. We started like you with carers doing cleaning and increased their input over a period of months - MIL's short term memory now is so bad that most of the time MIL does not believe she has carers and forgets they have been within minutes. This works ok most of the time but she does throw them out or refuse access a couple of times weekly which is a worry when she is on chemotherapy for leukaemia.
    Have you tried getting any support from local Admiral Nurses, Social Workers or Local charities/ support groups. The more people you talk to the more you may find a solution that suits you and your dad. I have tried all these avenues and the most practical, useful advice and assessment we received was from the occupational therapist attached to the local memory clinic the did formal assessments around personal care and cooking.
     
  3. deepetshopboy

    deepetshopboy Registered User

    Jul 7, 2008
    77
    No havent gone through ss yet dad said there not coming in he will throw them out
    Thinking of shelterd in my area as he knows it well but me staying with him till hopefully gets used to it but had no help from council at all
    Not sure moving him is a good idea at all hes memorys is so bad but hes not bad enough to goand be put into a home
    been agonising ovr what to do for a year even thinking of movi g him in with me as hes coming to me anyway everyday and im having to nri g him back 3 miles on a bis as i dont drive so very stressful and im staying 3/4 nights a week
     
  4. deepetshopboy

    deepetshopboy Registered User

    Jul 7, 2008
    77
    Sorry meant hes with me all day everyday and either i go there stay there or hes here then i bring him home on a bus
     

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