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what to do when patient becomes uncontrollable?


Registered User
Dec 9, 2015
My wife is in middle stages of vascular variant alzheimer's. Today, I took her to the hairdresser's for a cut, colour and shampoo. They called and said she was shouting. Result, her hair wasn't cut as normal. When I want her to eat, she gets up mid-meal and claims she needs to brush her teeth. That's usually when she goes up and spits out some of the food. I've started giving her only mushy food, some in soups but some in solids. Tonight, she insisted on not wearing incontinence pants even though she wets the bed. I finally had to pull her pajama bottoms off and force her to wear the incontinance pants. She went into one nursing home but they released her after 3 days. No reason given but I suspect she refused to eat. After the nursing home incident, I have started a program of using various carers (to get her used to different people looking after her) and taking her to a charity cafe used by other dementia sufferers and their carers. Next would be visiting a nursing home for coffee and then, later, day care. I don't think I have that much patience. What to do?


Registered User
Jul 20, 2011
Hello and welcome to TP
This must be so stressful for you, I'm so sorry.
I haven't heard of a home 'releasing' someone after a short time and without reason! Did they assess her first? It isn't very professional of them to do that and it must have been extremely difficult for you.
Social Services should be able to help you find your local day care centre and get a referral - it is worth contacting them and telling them that you are desperate (adult social care duty desk)
Some nursing homes specialise in helping people with dementia and again social services should be able to give you a list and you could have a look (I'm guessing you have already made the decision that she would have a better quality of life in a home?).
Meanwhile do you have access to an Admiral Nurse in your area? They can be really helpful and visit at home.
Alzheimer's Society have some useful info on eating and drinking which you may have already seen

Others will be along soon with more specific experience. Do keep posting, there is a lot of experience and help and support on here to help you through.


Registered User
Feb 1, 2012
I finally had to pull her pajama bottoms off and force her to wear the incontinance pants.
To my shame, before my education, here on TP., I genuinely thought my wife’s behaviour was bloody-mindedness and re-acted in much the same way you seem to be doing.
I beg you to change your approach. Please, please, no force ever!!! There is a better way. Your wife is ill and needs your love and compassion. People with dementia are not able to understand the world around them and cannot help themselves. We, their carers have to be aware of this. I recommend you read an article by the Alzheimer’ Society on compassionate communication :-http://compassionate communication :-http://forum.alzheimers.org.uk/showt...emory-Impaired
I trust I have not offended you, I assure you I am thinking as much about you as about your wife.


Registered User
Jul 22, 2013
East Yorkshire
My dad can get really difficult, often resulting in an attempted fist in the carers face. I've found the most productive way of dealing with him is simply to ask if he is agreeable to what we'd like him to do. He's bed ridden at the moment and hadn't been washed or had fresh pyjamas on for many days. Obviously I don't like to see him unclean and it's not fair on him, so I explained that I'd like to wash his face and body with a warm soapy flannel and take his pyjama top off to put a clean one on. I asked him if he'd like me to do that and he said yes. If he'd have said no, I'd have left it and asked a bit later. When the cares barge in and force him to do things he lashes out. Maybe your wife is asserting her right to make a choice. It's frustrating and does seem like stubbornness when you're in the middle of an awkward moment, but it really is the illness and the lack of being able to express their wishes in the way they used to. It's not easy, I wish you every success :)


Registered User
Dec 24, 2012
Hallucinations when told these are untrue gets angry and abusive.

My wife was diagnosed with atypical dementia/alzheimers November 2014.

She refuses to accept the diagnosis and says there is nothing wrong with her.

The diagnosis came after a long period of decline I was working until December 2012 when it became to much to work and look after her.
I was a long distance driver and was working 5 days a week and coming home to a mess she hadn't had a meal and hadn't been out to shop or anything else.
She had her own car was a driver for 30 years then she started having problems with routes she had taken for the that time but didn't tell me. I found out when I was at home and she called me saying she was lost I got her back home. Then she would not drive me in the car saying I would distract her. She stopped driving in January when he DVLA were informed of her diagnosis and asked her to make her case she didn't and her license was revoked. I took early retirement last year after here diagnosis.
My problems are to numerous to list and I have managed them up to now with this
belief that I am the enemy and she is having delusions as first mentioned these are
that we are divorced and I am only home for christmas that people come in late at night and she talks to them and lets them watch the television etc. When challenged she says I am calling her a liar an want to lock her up in a looney bin! Well I don't there are no people we are not divorced and she won't have it this has been going on for a while but I have always just not agreed by just saying ok and not challenging her belief that what she says is real. But because I am not saying back to her yes you are right of course she flies into a rage at me. What course of action is required the GP prescribed medication she refused to take the pills and told the doctor that she didn't need them after agreeing to have them. Any advice is welcome.


Registered User
Oct 23, 2015

My dad is in hospital at the moment and has become very agitated and aggressive... How can I handle this