What to do now?


Registered User
Feb 8, 2008
Hi there, this is the first time I've thought to come to a site like this and its been good reading other peoples experiences.

We think my Nana has a type of dementia due to a series of very small, un-noticable strokes. Although I have to say the doctors haven't been overly helpful in actually diagnosing anything. We've done alot of reading up on it ourselves and the books have been helpful. But, as I'm sure most people find, your relatives 'ways' can be very different to anything you read about. Nanas new phase for now seems to be throwing stuff out. Dad goes down everyday to give her cigarettes and make sure she has everything she needs, and nearly everyday theres something new in the bin. Whether it be sheets from her bed or ornaments from her cabinet in the front room (most of which were my Grandpas :() We don't know how to stop this, except maybe removing all her things that may be worth anything and replacing them with cheaper things. She gets confused with the date too. She had her Christmas tree up at the beginning of Feb, and when we tried to tell her it was 2 months since Christmas she got quite verbally aggresive.

She hasn't done anything....so far....to put herself at any risk, but do we wait until she does something really silly, or is it time to start considering having her placed somewhere where people can keep an eye on her full time? The thing is, if we suggested this to her she would absolutely flip! Shes also refusing showers from her carer, telling her my Mum has given her it already....Mum hasn't!

I've rambled quite alot here, but as I said, its the first time I've really been able to say stuff like this and have people REALLY understand where I'm coming from.

Thankyou for listening.

Louise xx


Registered User
Mar 7, 2004
Dear Louise, I will start with a couple of questions.
Does you Nana have a Social Worker, or a CPN.

Is her family doctor fully aware of the situation.
Consultations should be made around a fixed background.

The next stage would be to let your Nana be cared for 24/7 in a care home. Although she may well be vehmantly against this, if she becomes 'at risk' this time may come.

Has anyone looked at local care homes?

Sorry if I sound dispassionate about your situation, I am only trying to give pointers for the future.

I have no personal experience here, as my Lionel was living with me all hrough his illness until he had to go into a care home.
It must be so very hard to be thinking of making these decisions for a mum or nan.

Hopefully you will get some more help soon from some of our members who have experienced this situation.


Registered User
May 24, 2006
I am sorry to hear of the problems you are experiencing with your Nana but having gone thruough Vascular Dementia with my Mother I can but say that you need to take it far more seriously
I would remove anything of value
Be sure she does not have sums of money in the house
But above all you need to face the fact that she is not safe to live alone

Had my Mother not collapsed from a slightly larger ministroke and got pneumonia we would have had to force the issue and no doubt she would have been dragged kicking and screaming into a home

The simple fact was she was a huge cioncern to neighbours and a danger to their safety as leaving the gas turned on or doing all kinds of stupid things with electrical equipment lights etc could have blown the house up and the neighbours with it

Based on the experience with my Mother I suspect if they did a CT scan on your Nana the damaging infarcts would be pretty numerous indeed