Mum has mild to moderate dementia and has been in a residential home for over a year. She was no longer safe in her home, wandered and wouldn't accept carers. I was unable to look after her at that time and she didn't want me to either although we tried for 6 weeks. It was not a success plus she has always been very critic of me, didn't like my husband etc. Although her memory and concentration is poor for anything new she is good with old routines and faces and her speech can be excellent, especially 'hostess' effect and opening old wounds. I haven't posted for a while but reading the posts in this site have been a great help, I don't know what I would have done without this site. Mum has only 50% settled in the home from what I can see. She has good and bad periods. But she is still in denial about her condition and has massive bought of complaining- that won't change of course. When she is in a bad mood seems like she is living in a nightmare as she can't understand why she is in the home or 'worse than being in prison'. The home do their utmost to help Mum be as independent and occupied as possible. Now to my question. Every time we talk for a minute Mum asks me to explain why she is in the home, who put her in, why I did not get lawyers to get her out....and so on into a downward and horrible spiral. I can't break that spiral: Mum doesn't want to be kept 'safe', she wants to be free and independent again. Who wouldn't. Basically she is dreadfully unhappy. Should I really look after her myself now that my kids are leaving home or not. Or should I see and speak to her less regularly and let her just get on with it. She sometimes pleads with me to let her stay with us. Have felt so absolutely rotten for the past 3 years about the situation and completely drained but feel between a rock and a hard place. Am I right to suspect she will never be happy now or should I give it another chance. Am I just 'punishing' her for the times in the past before AD when she made life very difficult and just too selfish ( one more year before i retire ). Hubby is supportive to whatever decision I make.