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What to do now?????

Discussion in 'I care for a person with dementia' started by TDA, Mar 9, 2015.

  1. TDA

    TDA Registered User

    Mar 3, 2015
    25
    Hello, I have recently joined this site as my mum has Dementia. Diagnosed 09/1012, dad was main carer until he passed away just before Xmas. I had been helping him on a daily basis (more or less given up work) since June last year. After dad passed away, I've been living here with my mum.

    I joined to see how people cope with respite - we took my mum down to a local CH this afternoon for a 2 week stay - they've just rung up and said they can't deal with her/had to restrain and would we come and collect her. I didn't think she'd like it/be happy from the start, but what do we do now????? And yes, the CH does 'do' Dementia

    Feeling really sad.
     
  2. sistermillicent

    sistermillicent Registered User

    Jan 30, 2009
    2,951
    who organised the respite? If it was the social worker I would be inclined to say it is their problem and they need to be called and told to find somewhere else urgently as you don't feel able to look after her just now. It is a shame in a way that you answered the phone, what if you had gone away on holiday?

    come to think of it, you could just ring social services anyway, say you can't manage.
    Don't go and pick her up yet.
     
  3. TDA

    TDA Registered User

    Mar 3, 2015
    25
    Thanks - she is self funded, so we organised it ourselves
     
  4. sistermillicent

    sistermillicent Registered User

    Jan 30, 2009
    2,951
    Can they keep her for a night just to see if she settles, or are they insisting they can't? You must be worried sick.
     
  5. Adcat

    Adcat Registered User

    Jun 15, 2014
    290
    London
    Hi TDA,
    I sympathise. My dad, 87 mixed dementia lives at home and I moved in after my mother died. Last July I hit my first crisis when I realised he could not be left on his own. I also knew that he would not have got on well in residential/nursing care. I was at my wits end as I Work full time. A friend put me in touch with a private care company and so far so good. Dad has a continuous carer whilst I am at work. Another carer will stay the night or move in while I go on holiday or just need a break. Dads happy, I'm happy because I know he is safe with good companionship. The expense is eye watering. Dad self funds but he has no idea he does because I hold power of attorney. I am spending his money oh his care. Social services not interested as he self funds. I hope this helps.
    Take care.
     
  6. TDA

    TDA Registered User

    Mar 3, 2015
    25
    Thanks for your replies. She is now back at home, bit confused and tearful, but okay.

    We have been trialling weekend overnight carer - still doing part days - its okay but not great. Looks like we'll have to try someone else. Yes its eye-watering the cost - we were trying to hang onto either her home or the business premises she owns(and we use for our business to pay to keep her) - not sure what to do now.
     
  7. Goldi

    Goldi Registered User

    Mar 9, 2015
    10
    Do persevere with the overnight carer.

    My dad used to play up horribly for a couple of months when the night carer came twice a week but in the end loved her coming and used to ask when she was next visiting. People with alzeimers seem to need alot of routine and it takes thrm longer than normal to adapt. But they do in the end.

    And do persevere with getting respite. It is CRITICAL for you all that you get some time to rest and relax. Are you not able to get social services support with this?
     
  8. TDA

    TDA Registered User

    Mar 3, 2015
    25
    Thanks Goldi, yes SS keep saying take some respite, that's why we did this, and its backfired. Off to hunt for another CH in West Yorkshire that can cope - any suggestions?
     
  9. Goldi

    Goldi Registered User

    Mar 9, 2015
    10
    Which part of west yorkshire as that is also where my dad is! we have been dealing with ss in bradford which has not been the easiest but we eventually got him into the care home of our choice - cooper house in bradford.

    We made sure we visited all the places recommended and you quickly start to pick up on which is good and which is not and i do think you have to be very strong with social services about getting what is right for your family member.
     

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