My mum is 87 and was diagnosed with mixed dementia about 3 months ago having refused a referral in 2016 to a memory clinic.
She lives in a rural area 2 hours away from both myself and my sister and always said that living 2 hours away was close enough. She has refused to move closer and over the last couple of years declined offers to move in with my family. Coinciding with the Pandemic Carers started going in twice a day to support taking of medication ( she stated she was taking her drugs but evidence indicated otherwise) she has had an admission with urinary sepsis after we found her lying in the bath for 15 hours. This episode knocked her for six. We’ve had diagnosis of her Alzheimers and Vacular dementia via phone then being told of this at her kitchen table. 4 weeks ago she was found by the paper boy lying on her drive having sustained a fractured hip resulting in 2 1/2 weeks in hospital. We Now have Carers 4 times a day and an awake Carer at night. We’ve moved the bedroom downstairs etc. She is a shadow of her former stubborn, fiercely independent self. We’ve had 2 phone calls this weekend from the Carers about broken hearing aids and the second yesterday evening that she wouldn’t let the Carers in the house ( she’d put a key in the door). My sister and I drove up to find her asleep in the chair “ oh what are you doing here?” having no recollection of the evenings events. She can’t do anything for herself this being compounded by being frame dependent.
I am tying myself knots deciding what to do. She’s always maintained she’d stay in her home & not want to go into care I made the promise that I would respect this which in retrospect was not wise. I don’t want to go home to live with her (I’d become a prisoner with her) although my husband has said he’d do this, My son has moved back home from London since Covid and is working from home and would find it emotionally difficult to see his grandmother deteriorate on a day to day basis and to place her in a home even though near us would be a broken promise. Any words of wisdom please?
She lives in a rural area 2 hours away from both myself and my sister and always said that living 2 hours away was close enough. She has refused to move closer and over the last couple of years declined offers to move in with my family. Coinciding with the Pandemic Carers started going in twice a day to support taking of medication ( she stated she was taking her drugs but evidence indicated otherwise) she has had an admission with urinary sepsis after we found her lying in the bath for 15 hours. This episode knocked her for six. We’ve had diagnosis of her Alzheimers and Vacular dementia via phone then being told of this at her kitchen table. 4 weeks ago she was found by the paper boy lying on her drive having sustained a fractured hip resulting in 2 1/2 weeks in hospital. We Now have Carers 4 times a day and an awake Carer at night. We’ve moved the bedroom downstairs etc. She is a shadow of her former stubborn, fiercely independent self. We’ve had 2 phone calls this weekend from the Carers about broken hearing aids and the second yesterday evening that she wouldn’t let the Carers in the house ( she’d put a key in the door). My sister and I drove up to find her asleep in the chair “ oh what are you doing here?” having no recollection of the evenings events. She can’t do anything for herself this being compounded by being frame dependent.
I am tying myself knots deciding what to do. She’s always maintained she’d stay in her home & not want to go into care I made the promise that I would respect this which in retrospect was not wise. I don’t want to go home to live with her (I’d become a prisoner with her) although my husband has said he’d do this, My son has moved back home from London since Covid and is working from home and would find it emotionally difficult to see his grandmother deteriorate on a day to day basis and to place her in a home even though near us would be a broken promise. Any words of wisdom please?