In terms of 'do I have to fly up and down the motorway every time there is an incident' - no, absolutely not. I lived over 2 hours away from my mother, she had carers in for 18 months and I never attended when there was an incident. There was nothing I could add in practical terms, I arranged carers and they were the ones on the ground dealing with it (and were very good at doing so). Don't worry about what other people may expect - they may be keen to unload responsibility but you don't have to accept it.
It really does sound as if your mother needs a care home now. However she's very unlikely to agree. She is not in the world of logic or common sense any more, and it's a case of what she needs rather than what she wants. She needs to be looked after in a safe environment, think about what approach is most likely to let you achieve that. You could simply arrange it without consulting her and tell her she's going for a short break, that's what I did. But your situation may be different - you will know what is most likely to work.
It really does sound as if your mother needs a care home now. However she's very unlikely to agree. She is not in the world of logic or common sense any more, and it's a case of what she needs rather than what she wants. She needs to be looked after in a safe environment, think about what approach is most likely to let you achieve that. You could simply arrange it without consulting her and tell her she's going for a short break, that's what I did. But your situation may be different - you will know what is most likely to work.
