what to do at christmas

Discussion in 'I care for a person with dementia' started by smailes, Aug 14, 2014.

  1. smailes

    smailes Registered User

    Jun 26, 2014
    Hey everyone. Could anyone offer advice on what to do with my mother over the Christmas period. We have a very strained relationship and do not get on. It has been brought to my attention about her loss of memory and confusion and as much as our relationship isn't good I have been trying to get things in place so that she isn't going to left vulnerable and in danger.
    My question is that I'm wondering what's going to happen this Christmas. I can count on one hand the amount of Christmases I have spent with my mother and I really don't want to start now. Up until recently she had worked full time so always spent her Christmases at work.
    I'm unable to request leave over the Xmas period and It's not definite that I'll have it off work anyway but could anyone suggest what I could do. I live over 200 miles away too so driving up and down for the day isnt an option. I'm her only child in the uk and so it has been left with me to do everything so far.
    Is there a anyone that Gff as been in a similar situation or offer some pearls of wisdom. Thank you in advance.

  2. susy

    susy Registered User

    Jul 29, 2013
    North East
    Does she have social services involved in her care? Just thinking generally about her really, not just for Christmas.
    As for Christmas, I'm guessing she has some sort of social network out there? Will she realise it's actually Christmas Day? Does she like Christmas and all that fuss? My mum n dad would rather have a quiet life, with a small meal.

    So no real ideas for you but hopefully others with more experience will say what might be available for your mum x
  3. mcflod

    mcflod Registered User

    Oct 17, 2012

    Can't really offer advice but justmwantednto send support after reading your comment.

    Me and my mum were never close but I feel i now have a new best friend that has been forced upon me! We weren't in a strained relationship and spoke 3/4 times a week but its v hard still.

    Could any of your family come over if you explain you can't get time off? Perhaps a neighbour or an aunt if there is such a thing?

    Hope someone in similar situ helps out with some suggestions as I'm sure they will
  4. Tin

    Tin Registered User

    May 18, 2014
    Sorry, not in the same situation as you, but Christmas is something I have been thinking about for a few weeks now. For past 20 years mum and dad have spent this time with my sister or brother and I have always had an enjoyable family free time! going to be different this year though, it will just be mum and me and sure she will be aware that its Christmas day, the huge tree in corner of sitting room will be a big clue! In a way I'm dreading it, but for me I'll have to cross that bridge when I come to it. All I am sure about is that I am going to play it down and not remind her that it is 25th December.
  5. Vesnina

    Vesnina Registered User

    Aug 25, 2013
    Dear Roz,
    I wrote my story, maybe, maybe it could be useful for you, maybe...

    Maybe mother and me were on better terms, but anyway I was not thinking of spending my holidays, any, with her, since childhood. I would come for a visit, I telephoned quite often, I was meeting her every Saturday morning for a coffee and talk... just to check on her, as I understood she was aging.

    However, since she started having health troubles, I've controlled her more often,
    and in last years I gave up my holidays, just to allow her better care,
    me quieter months before and after.

    In other words: she is different now and she needs different treatement.

    As she became almost powerless, all her rigidity towards me melted,
    and my resistance as well.

    New era begun, we need to adapt.
  6. BR_ANA

    BR_ANA Registered User

    Jun 27, 2012
    On mom's CH the Christmas party is celebrated on first Saturday of December, so everybody can go somewhere else on real Xmas.

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