What to do after first memory clinic appointment.

heffy

Registered User
Oct 24, 2021
11
0
I have just come back from first Memory clinic appointment with mum. - Not great. They still think she is suffering from grief (father died last year) did say she has mild cognition problems. (vascular sort) she nearly keeled over even getting her there. Now awaiting phone back from the GP - She did not mention any food issues (she has GORD, IBS, and Hiatus Hernia) what the heck should I do? Could not even acknowledge that she had burnt food yesterday I feel that I am going to be caught up with her being more believed than me. - They did say they will see her in 6 months, already waited 6 months for this appointment. Right now I wish I could get on a Jet plane and leave her to it. with HER FRIENDS, HER GARDEN, and the view........ and I can go on Holiday etc... etc..... (with no one to pay the bills living near by or do the shopping or keep a 400 year house vagely maintained)
 

Sarasa

Volunteer Host
Apr 13, 2018
7,195
0
Nottinghamshire
Hi @heffy, it's annoying when professionals think someone with dementia is more capable than you know they are. My mum has vascular dementia, and in the early stages could seem very together. She more or less admitted she was putting on an act with health professionals to 'get them off her back', but that wasn't great when I was the one trouble shooting the increasing problems she was having.
Would it be possible to get some help in to take some of the pressure off you. My mum flatly refused even the minimum of help so I know it isn't easy to get someone to accept help. Help at Home is a AgeUK service that will do things like shopping or help with cleaning or take your mum out for a coffee. That might be a start to getting her to accept help from someone who isn't you.
In the end it might be a crisis such as a fall that ends up getting your mum the help she needs. I didn't want that to happen to my mum so I moved her into a care home using rather a lot of deception. It worked out OK as by then she'd lost capacity, but if your mother is still considered to have capacity, even if she is making unwise choices, things are a bit more tricky.
BTW I assume you have Lasting Power of Attorney . if not now would be the time to get it sorted.
 

heffy

Registered User
Oct 24, 2021
11
0
Hi we have got as a family the LPA for Finance which we are already using, and the LPA for Health and Welfare, which is more difficult to get the Health care Professionals to act upon. d. We already have a cleaner for mum, but she is pre-cleaning and tidying up before she even comes. Taking mum out for any drink is problamatic as she is so fussy and makes inapropriate comments and says I dont want to go to that place etc but only with family members not with her friends.

I have just had today to get her blood pressure checked by the GP paramedic and she admitted stuff to him that she did not say this morning. PULL hair out comes to mind.
 

Fotoman

Registered User
Apr 26, 2022
13
0
Presumably the Memory Clinic did the test with drawing a clock, the numbers and putting the hands at 20 to 4, or whatever. My wife didn't have a clue how the draw the hands but they still stated mild cognition. It was only when she couldn't draw the clock that they admitted she had Alzheimer's. That seems to be the turning point for the Clinic.
 
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Debz5564

Registered User
Mar 16, 2022
44
0
i am really sorry to hear about the lack of diagnosis, we were very lucky.
after a visit to our GP my OH was refered to memory dementia team who visited us and did tests, that then went to a board and he was refered for more tests and a brain scan.
this was all done over a month and we got the results of early mixed dementia.
Dont accept it if you disagree, go back to GP
good luck
 

Jaded'n'faded

Registered User
Jan 23, 2019
5,259
0
High Peak
I really wish the medics were more adept at recognising 'hosting' behaviour.

Their little tests are all very well but I always feel they don't ask the right questions! And they should also speak privately to family to get the full picture.

It's the same when it comes to assessing capacity. If anyone making a diagnosis or doing a capacity assessment had to spend 24 hours alone with the person, I bet they'd get it right every time. Yet they take little notice of those who are with the person 24/7.
 

heffy

Registered User
Oct 24, 2021
11
0
Thank you for all of these responses. There are more things that need to be looked into but Thank you all for your comments, particularly for Hosting behaviour . What got to me is the fact that we as a family had really thought deeply around a form for what a person could do and then it seemed to me that this was totally ignored and did not form any part of the private conversation. Maybe I came over as too hostile, but I am just tired from trying to sort things out and within 2 days feeling like I had become the head of the family with no proper time to morn my fathers passing. Anyhow this is a valuable space to allow anyone to share experiences.