What to do about care

pumpkin66

New member
May 16, 2019
5
Hi I’m a new member, my mum has vascular dementia, diagnosed last year (2018) but has had noticeable symptoms for about 4 years. I live next door to her, which is great in one way but I do not get any peace. She just wants me to stay with her all the time. She comes round at 7.30 each day and won’t go home till 10.30ish at night. I can’t even go to the loo without her coming to see where I am ... says I’ve abandoned her ‍♀
 

karaokePete

Registered User
Jul 23, 2017
5,063
N Ireland
Hello @pumpkin66, you are welcome here and I hope you find the forum to be a friendly and supportive place.

I hope you have time to take a good look around the site as it is a goldmine for information. When I first joined I read old threads for information but then found the AS Publications list and the page where a post code search can be done to check for support services in ones own area. If you are interested in these, clicking the following links will take you there

https://www.alzheimers.org.uk/get-support/publications-factsheets-full-list

https://www.alzheimers.org.uk/find-support-near-you

You will see that there are Factsheets that will help with things like getting care needs assessments, deciding the level of care required and sorting out useful things like Wills, Power of Attorney etc., if any of that hasn't already been done.

Now that you have found us I hope you will keep posting as the membership has vast collective knowledge and experience.
 

Izzy

Volunteer Moderator
Aug 31, 2003
60,384
Dundee
Hi @pumpkin66 snd welcome to the forum.

I can imagine that it’s a double edged sword being next door to your mum. Do you think she would go to a day centre? It would give you some respite if she agreed.
 

pumpkin66

New member
May 16, 2019
5
Hi.shes always been a very quiet and private person.. I’ve tried to persuade her to go but she just says no, I have a sister and brother, my sister will take her to hers for tea but mum just keeps saying she needs to get back and as soon as she’s home she’s knocking on my door ( my sister lives very close too ) my brother doesn’t bother with her at all. I just feel it’s all left to me they just carry on with their lives and I’m just left sorting everything out.
 

nae sporran

Volunteer Host
Oct 29, 2014
6,324
Bristol
Sorry I can't really offer anything practical. My partner has someone from a care agency who comes round for tea and cake, they call it befriending or sitting service, though they have become good buddies over the last year or so. I don't know if your mum would accept that either, but I want to say I know how hard it can be to cope alone when family are too busy to help.
 

Rosettastone57

Registered User
Oct 27, 2016
1,150
Hi I’m a new member, my mum has vascular dementia, diagnosed last year (2018) but has had noticeable symptoms for about 4 years. I live next door to her, which is great in one way but I do not get any peace. She just wants me to stay with her all the time. She comes round at 7.30 each day and won’t go home till 10.30ish at night. I can’t even go to the loo without her coming to see where I am ... says I’ve abandoned her ‍♀
Are you saying that your mum has a key and let's herself in whether you are there or not? Or are you letting her in because she knocks at the door?