What the heck just happened?

[Miss Polly]

My Dad and my brother were visiting today. My Dad hasn't been well enough to make the 150 mile journey for some years. Mum didn't seem to understand who was visiting. Mum and Dad have been divorced for many years. She got very agitated before they arrived. Kept trying to leave the house saying she had to take her coat home. She was home. She looked out of the window and asked me if the orange car belonged to my sister. I said, Mum, I don't have a sister, that's *******'s car. My daughter's. I was getting very nervous about how the visit was going to go. My other brother was also going to pop in with his son. This was a lot of people for Mum to deal with. As soon as people started arriving she turned back into the person she had been before she had dementia! She was coherent, making conversation, reminiscing, laughing at jokes etc. My daughter and I just kept looking at each other and wondering how has this happened. When we were in the kitchen she actually said to me, "I wish we were the visitors and could have this Nanny all the time." I said it made me feel like a liar because I had told everyone how much she had deteriorated recently.

As soon as everyone had gone she changed back again. Almost immediately. She was taking the back off the tv remote and I asked her why. She said she couldn't get any fire out of it. I said I should hope not. She asked how she could light her cigarettes then. She hasn't smoked for a couple of years. I said it wasn't a lighter but she wouldn't have it. I went upstairs and suddenly the tv was blaring. I ran back downstairs and Mum had turned it up to 90! She said she couldn't hear what they were saying.

Has anyone else experienced this? I wish I could recreate the scene from today so that Mum stayed like that all the time. It was quite freaky in a way.

 

[Beate]

I've heard it's quite common that some people with dementia can put on an act in front of other people when they don't want to let them know they are in any way afflicted. It often happens in front of GPs or in a memory clinic and it can fool people spectacularly. It must be exhausting for them keeping up the pretense!

 

[CareGiver-1]

I know exactly what you are saying.

Yes, this has happened with my MIL. Daily she is confused, doesn't want to do anything but sit on her armchair, or has to be instructed in every step of a process or she would just stand in one spot and stare until given the next step. As soon as company comes over, she can converse and interact as if normal. Then after the company leaves she is overwhelmed, severely confused, and just wants to go to bed. We always keep the number of people down to at the most 3 people because if there are more she will be up all night unable to sleep and agitated. Everyone thinks she is a wonderful person and never see the other side of the story.

 

[LYN T]

My Husband used to quite often put on his 'public face', especially in front of CPN's, SW's, GP's etc.Sometimes he had been violent/agitated just minutes before they arrived.

It's difficult to be believed at times when a Dementia sufferer presents as a happy chappie with no cares in the world.

As Pete's Dementia progressed these moments became few and far between-I don't know if that was good or bad, but people started to believe me

Sympathy to you

Take care

Lyn T

 

[Linbrusco]

As my Dad has recently been seen by the Memory Team, (cognitive impairment) and had Hospital Needs Asessors here as he was going into hospital for minor surgery, despite them knowing about Mums Alzheimers they all said to me Mum presents well.

Two of Mums siblings refuse to believe she has Alzheimers.
One sibling does and two others sort of half believe it.

Most of her siblings visit 2 or 3 times a year for an hour or two.
They talk about the old time and long ago, so they don't think theres an issue.
They also phone her early morning whe she's usually at her best. Try phoning her late afternoon early evening and it would be a different conversation

 

[malomm]

Oh yes- a very familiar scenario. Yesterday was a nightmare Sunday all day long, with my wife being particularly confused and difficult to manage during the morning. I ended up cooking Sunday lunch because she was putting ground coffee instead of salt on the courgttes; we changed the bed first thing and I put the washing machine on. By lunchtime everything was well dried and I brought it in, 2 minutes later wife put it all out again saying it was all wet through, and so on, and getting quite stroppy about it. In the late afternoon we went to no. 2 son's to see them. She couldn't remember it was Sunday, nor what we'd cooked for lunch, nor that we were actually there by car and not on foot. Notwithstanding she convinced them all she was fine, and I'm the baddy for making out something wrong with her. The children, and her siblings, only visit very rarely, and don't see the daily grind of managing a dementia sufferer.
keep smiling,
malomm

 

[Miss Polly]

Thanks for your replies. If my daughter didn't live here too and was witness to how awful Mum has been recently I would have thought I was the one going senile! This morning she is refusing to get out of bed and go to daycare. She normally stays in bed until the bus is actually here (she sleeps in her clothes, and occasionally her coat too) and it's only the doorbell that gets her up. Unfortunately the home rang me this morning to say they couldn't pick her up so could I bring her. I am wondering whether I should go and ring the bell and pretend they are here? I will probably just let her sleep. I am sure she is exhausted after yesterday. I am too so I was planning a quiet day. Oh well. These things are sent to try us. Have a good day everyone.