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What stage is she at?

Spud Bencher

New member
Mar 14, 2019
hi I have recently given up full time work to care for my mother in law who has Alzheimers. I think she is quite far on from what I'm to,d. Doesn't recognise anyone, talks gibberish, eats and drinks in phases somedays eats great others nothing but doesn't drink much every day. Aggressive lots. Would stay in bed all day if we let her. Incontient doesn't know what to do if she goes to toilet. Has a strong smell down below and very discoloured urine ... Have taken her to doctor who has said its just part of it and may be dehydration and she's quite advanced" bit if a shock as we didn't think she was advanced. He said we can't force her to eat or drink. Any advice pls? Is she too advanced to help? What should I expect next ?
Thanks in advance for any advice


Volunteer Moderator
Dec 15, 2012
hello @Spud Bencher
a warm welcome to TP
your mother in law is fortunate to have you looking out for her

these pages from the main AS site may give you some ideas

maybe ask the GP if he could refer her to the SALT team to check there is no physical reason for drinking little - no-one can be forced to drink and eat but they may well be able to suggest some ways to help her eg thickening her fluids
and check her urine for a UTI

if you don't yet have support, contact her Local Authority Adult Services and arrange an assessment of her care needs, and ask for a carer's assessment for yourself
apply for Attendance allowance too, if it isn't already in place


Registered User
Dec 20, 2009
Wembley, Middlesex

I see you have already received excellent advice. But there are other "strategies" to think about in encouraging your mother-in-law to drink and eat better.
When I cared for my late mum I would eat at the same time as her, because often she would just copy what I did. This also applies to drinking.
Also, you need to consider issues around portion size, size of plates/bowls, and use of appropriate coloured crockery. Here is a link to some advice you may find useful: https://www.dementiauk.org/tips-for-eating-and-drinking-with-dementia/.
Hope this helps,


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