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what should I do?


Registered User
Jul 29, 2012
noticed changes in dad a couple of years ago. doc was great, got referral etc and was diagnosed with mild cognitive impairment. since then his condition has worsened quite bad. mum refusing to 'let' him go doc so can be re-referred. he was a violent man when i was younger and i suspect he is still the same. recently smashed items up in the house with a hammer thru frustration. mum has told her sister she would want to care for him at home. i spoke to mum re; domestic violence - she asked why i was 'making things up' about my dad!
i know she has said to her sister that she is struggling to 'manage' him and he is following her everywhere (eg to bathroom etc) and also he is tampering with things in the house - eg the central heating engineers been out 3 times last week, all because he keeps fiddling with things.
i explained if he gets the dementia diagnosis then she can get help/respite and he may be able to get meds to slow down the process. she says i am 'being silly' as he has been to the memory clinic and they said it wasn't dementia (2 years ago!!)
they were supposed to come down at xmas, but mum pulled out every excuse in the book. her sister implied my mum would be worried if i saw how bad he has got and also that his driving is now quite dangerous, but mum wouldn't want me to see that either - although he is stilol driving around. (hello?! what about the safety of other road users?!)
i have had them on the phone for 15 hours last week trying to remotely sort things out for them that he has tampered with: central heating, phone, broadband router/ipad etc etc and i just can't deal with it anymore.
i think she is scared of him and therefore he is running rings round her (unintentionally).
also i have made suggestions about lasting power of attorney but she will have none of it.
i'm beginning to think my only options are to go down the mental health/capacity act but realise what implications this has.
my dad is due at the docs for a heart check up, but it's not for another few months. i would not be surprised in the slightest if i get a visit from the police any day, saying there are 2 bodies in their house. i live hundreds of miles away and the only other friend/relative is her sister, who lives just 20 minutes away but doesn't want to get involved.
does anyone have similar experiences or have any ideas PLEASE.


Registered User
Nov 8, 2012
Hello Hampshiregirl,

So sorry you and your parents are having these difficulties. It must be such a worry for you. Has your aunt told you exactly what is happening or is she simply hinting? Perhaps she wants to get help for them but is afraid of upsetting her sister. Could you contact your Dad's doctor, explain everything and ask him/her to bring forward the heart check up as an excuse to see him?

What about phoning your local Alzheimer's Society? I made an appointment to go in and see an advisor about my mum and got some excellent information. They may be able to recommend a way forward. I haven't been in your situation, so can't really be much help but there are 'experts' who will be along soon, I am sure.

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