Hi there, I’m new to this forum. My mother who is 86 has Alzheimer’s. She was diagnosed in 2013 a year after my father died. Mum now lives with me, my husband and my two teenage children. She has lost over 50 years of her life due to shocking memory loss. She doesn’t know me, my sisters (I have two), any of her grandchildren or our husbands. Her main focus is her parents who died in the 1980s. I have had an ongoing battle with myself for months regarding what to say when she asks me are her parents alive. Many times I told the truth. Mum could ask at least 15 - 20 times a day where they were. Each time I more or less made her cry by telling the truth. Now, I tell white lies when she asks ‘where are my parents’? I say they are away for a few days but we will see them soon. If she says ‘my parents are dead aren’t they?’ I tell the truth. I’m sure this won’t work for everyone because we are all different as are those suffering from his hideous disease, but this works for me. I have photos of my dad in her bedroom and she asks who is he or thinks it’s her father. Heartbreaking. Not sure if this helps anyone, but thought I’d share.
What shall I do?
- Thread starter margherita
- Start date
My wife used to ask about her parents, whether I'd seen them lately or if they were alright. I always tried to understand the reality of her time frame - 40 years ago. So I always answered her with something within that time period. Such as, they were fine last time I saw them or I'll give them a call later. One day she asked me in response when I last called round to see them and promptly rebuked me when I said it was two weeks ago.
For me changing the topic never worked as she would not let me do that.
Now she never asks about them or the children, although the other day she asked out of the blue if our dog was OK! He died 20 years ago! I just told her he loved his walks and she laughed, and went on to some other topic.
For me changing the topic never worked as she would not let me do that.
Now she never asks about them or the children, although the other day she asked out of the blue if our dog was OK! He died 20 years ago! I just told her he loved his walks and she laughed, and went on to some other topic.
welcome to DTP @Blueiris
You may find this thread helpful https://forum.alzheimers.org.uk/threads/compassionate-communication-with-the-memory-impaired.30801/
Mum thinks she should be living with them and looking after them. She then jumps to we three girls & wants to know where we are because she should be taking care of us. We were born in the 60’s. And then she repeatedly complains that she never sees any of us. At which point I explain who I am because I hate to think that she feels abandoned. All worthless because she can’t process what I’m saying
This is my first time to post. I live in Oregon in the U.S. My husband has been in a care home for nearly three years. He understands that his parents are dead, but he talks about his mother all the time and cries. His power of speech is gone so all I understand is "my mother, my mother". I keep telling him his mother is in heaven and she is his guardian angel now. That seems to make him feel better.
I think the distract method sounds quite good we never experienced this with my mother as she was diagnosed and died in 4 years. But we often felt that mum thought that she was younger than she was and sometimes she would look at people funny and you would have to tell her who it was. I know it’s not much of a help but I do think distraction is a good thing because the chances are he will forget quickly. Good luck
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