Hi all, Its a long time since i posted mum died 18/07/06 ihad been caring for her at home full time for 4yrs.While you are caring when you are so tired and you see the person you love starving to death in front of your eyes because they have forgotten how to swallow you pray for them to go so they have got release from this cruel illness also release for yourselfe why is it then you are so lost when they have gone? People say you can start your life again get a job holidays shopping no ties now but how do you pick up the pieces.I have no self confidance no qualifacations on paper it doest count that i cared 24/7 without any outside back up for over 4yrs. I KNOW I DID A GOOD JOB AND MUM DIED AT HOME IN HER OWN BED WITH ME beside her she is fine now but what about me i am 50yrs old where do i go from here? looking at what i have written i sound really sorry formelf its not that its just that i feel so lost i dont regret one moment of caring its just what now?