what next??


Registered User
Mar 8, 2007
need advice as to what next for my mum. After being cared for at home by my father for several years, my mother has been taken into hospital three weeks ago after falling twice in one day. She has advanced AD. She is unable to return home as my father is not physically able to lift her if she falls again and to be honest he is pretty tired after caring for her for so long. So far we have hardly been approached about the next step. We know it will be a care home and self funding although my father is reluctant to accept that (the funding bit as he says he has paid all his life - but thats another issue!). The hospital promised us a list of local care homes but still haven't supplied it. We are visiting her everyday but seem to be in limbo. we know we will have to find somewhere but is it normal procedure to be so abandoned? to just get on with it yourselves?


Registered User
Jul 31, 2007
Hello Sallyann,
Contact your local authority for a book with all Care Homes in area. Also do you know the Local Branch of the A.S.?
There is a book that I was given which helped me to go and check the Care Home I thought was best for Peter. Do you have a Social Worker? Normally, the Hospitals are a bit slow in coming forward.
I wish you all the best. Christine


Registered User
Mar 7, 2004
Sallyann, I would not like to give you false hope, as in our ecperience we were left to fend for ourselves.

Does mum have a Social Worker or CPN? Whilst they are not allowed to recommend homes they may be able to point you in the right direction.

Our local Carer's Support sent me a book of all homes in Essex/Herts which enabled me to discount lots by just reading about them.

Your local Alzheimer's Society branch, if you have an active one near, will be willing to help I am sure.

So sorry that you find yourself in this situation, and lack of direction and feelings of abandonment certainly don't help.

Hopefully someone will be along soon to point out yet another avenue that might help.

Take care now.


Registered User
Sep 29, 2007
Hi your mum may not have to self fund. Look into NHS Continuing Care. You have to prove that needs are health and not social related and you have to fight for it in some instances but it is worth asking about.Good luck


Registered User
Jun 27, 2006
Whether you mother is or is not entitlited to NHS continuing care, or possibly the RNCC (Registered nursing care contribution) there are techniques that can be employed to ensure that your parents are not paying more than they need to. This is not cheating, it's making prudent use of your capital. Firstly, ensure that your father understands that the marital home is diregarded provided he contines living in it. Secondly jointly held saving should be split between them as soon as possible - there is absolutely no point in keeping these comingled - a joint savings pool of say, £100000 could, depending on when it is split, could either need to be spent down to apporx £40000 before local authority funding came into play, or only need to be spent down to areound £70000.

Unfortunately, yes that was our experience - if you're self-funded you're left to get on with it. A word of advice - carefully peruse any contract. Care home contracts are notorious for being very one sided (and guess what, it's not YOUR side). You need some guarantees about how frequently the fees can be raised, notice periods etc, and although you might not get them since good homes normally have waiting lists, you will be well advised to know what is in store for you.

P.S. If you're in Scotland there are other issue to be considered, so let us know if you are.


Registered User
Aug 29, 2006
SW Scotland
Hi Sallyann.

This is what happened to my husband three months ago. He is now in an EMI nursing home.

You should have your social worker involved. If you already have one, give them a ring and explain the situation. They should give you a list of NHs, and also liaise with the hospital regarding transfer. You certainly should not be left to cope on your own.

If you haven't a SW, or they are not keen to help, speak to your local branch of Alzheimer's Society or Princess Royal Trust. You could speak to the anyway, you'll get a lot of support.

If you're in Scotland, let me know. The funding situation is rather different here.


Registered User
Mar 8, 2007
Thanks to everyone for taking the time to reply. As far as assets are concerned Dad sorted out everything a good while ago -seperate accounts, tenants in common etc. We do not seem to have a social worker anymore. We did have a helpful one that sorted out respite care periods and all that went very well, but this social worker is, we've been told "no longer around". Her replacement seems much more vague and that's the rare times we have established contact! I will do as advised and get on the phone to AS society right now!


Registered User
Jul 31, 2007
Hi Sallyann

I was faced with a similar situation last week, mum with AD and dad had to be rushed into the hospital (what do I do with mum) I telephoned the SS who said if she is self-funding you have to sort everything out, if not SS will do an assessment but it could be another week before that is done. We needed something that night so I telephoned mums PN who gave me the numbers of the homes in our area that would take mum (EMI) I telephoned, spoke to the manageress who in turn said if mums PN would ring her they would discuss it and make arrangements, she did and said yes that would be ok for mum but it was left to us to take her there and then get dad to hospital. She is still there and dad still in hospital, and like your dad ill himself to cope at home but still wants to !

Hope you have luck in your phone calls.

Regards Lotti