1. Expert Q&A: Benefits - Weds 23 October, 3-4pm

    Our next expert Q&A will be on the topic of benefits. It will be hosted by Lauren from our Knowledge Services team. She'll be answering your questions on Wednesday 23 October between 3-4pm.

    You can either post your question >here< or email them to us at talkingpoint@alzheimers.org.uk and we'll be happy to ask them on your behalf.

  1. tuffydawn

    tuffydawn Registered User

    Mar 30, 2015
    123
    so today oh drove up road to local shop and straight into back of truck my car a right off he said it was sun in his eyes he has always been good driver and still is but lacks a little in concentration at times maybe. police were happy it was sun but of course everyone in family is telling me it is his brain i was not there so can not judge and would not want to but makes me think ? he is very quiet about it and has a sore chest from it another great day in my world
     
  2. Scarlett123

    Scarlett123 Registered User

    Apr 30, 2013
    3,802
    Essex
    Oh sweetie, I do feel for you, but perhaps you should look on it as a lucky day, as nobody was seriously hurt, or worse. A sore chest and a written-off car are problems, and I'm not trying to trivialise them. But it could have been so much worse.

    Another huge cyber bouquet is winging its way to you, along with chocolate, your favourite tipple, and a Dream Boy to deliver it all. :D
     
  3. truth24

    truth24 Registered User

    Oct 13, 2013
    5,726
    North Somerset
    So sorry to read this and hope he wasn't injured. Shame about the car.
     
  4. Trisha4

    Trisha4 Registered User

    Jan 16, 2014
    2,442
    Yorkshire
    Do you think he should have a driving assessment to ensure he is safe to drive?


    Sent from my iPad using Talking Point
     
  5. Kevinl

    Kevinl Registered User

    Aug 24, 2013
    4,783
    Salford
    I agree I'd get his driving assessed even if it's just by a friend or a relative who's an experience drive and see what they think.
    To be fair I hate driving into the sun it's particularly bad late afternoon at this time of year, particularly if you're driving east. You could go and stand at the accident site at the same time of day as the accident and see for yourself if it's at least a reasonable possibility. Sorry about the car.
    K
     
  6. Jinx

    Jinx Registered User

    Mar 13, 2014
    2,333
    Pontypool
    Kevin, shouldn't that be driving west if it's the afternoon sun?


    Sent from my iPad using Talking Point
     
  7. Kevinl

    Kevinl Registered User

    Aug 24, 2013
    4,783
    Salford
    Sorry, yes west not east:cool:
     
  8. 1mindy

    1mindy Registered User

    Jul 21, 2015
    539
    Female
    Shropshire
    Sent off renewal for OH licence in May. Letter back yesterday. (One of a few) saying due to the backlog he should hear the out come within 9 weeks. I see him go out in the car and he is very slow now .I've not been out with him driving for 12 months as I don't feel he's safe now. If we go out together he just goes to the passenger seat.I asked him yesterday how would he feel if he doesn't get his licence back. He said I wouldn't be happy but would have to deal with it. This fits in with him driving less and less I assumed he would be very cross,we will wait and see. I ask myself the question how would I feel if he injured someone and I knew he wasn't safe, so I was ,with his agreement very honest about his worsening memory when I filled in the form for renewal. Maybe now is the time for you to think about just what his driving is like and if you are concerned be honest on renewal and an assesment of his driving now would be very sensible.
     
  9. Jon29

    Jon29 Registered User

    Sep 2, 2015
    20
    I needed to take my motorbike for a service so asked my wife to follow in our car, she'd effectively not driven in a year, but she is familiar with the car [it's hers]. I thought it might do her good to know that she still could.
    I watched her carefully as we pulled out of junctions, I'd made sure there was room for both of us to pull out.
    I was able to see that she simply didn't bother checking for vehicle, she just followed me.
    This is an indication of her lack of concentration, if she'd been on her own I hat to think what might have happened.
    She won't be driving again.
    This was before we'd had a formal diagnosis of AD, we knew it but the Dr's weren't certain.

    I think you need to be strong and stop him driving now, I'm afraid.

    Quote simply, you'd never forgive yourself if someone were to be injured.

    Be strong, it sound like his driving days are over, as are my wife's.
     
  10. Suzanna1969

    Suzanna1969 Registered User

    Mar 28, 2015
    346
    Essex
    Erm sorry but if you feel this way you shouldn't let him go out in the car at all.

    I know it's not easy to stop someone from driving in these circumstances but it's a damn sight easier than looking a family in the eye when they've lost a father, mother or child because that person shouldn't have been allowed on the road.

    Rather than leave it to the DVLA to interpret the form in the way you hope you should stop him NOW. As carers we need to take responsibility for ALL aspects of this horrible disease, however uncomfortable. I made my dear Dad cry when I told him he needed to stop driving. I hated myself for it but I would have hated myself more if I'd delayed and he'd hurt or killed someone.
     
  11. 1mindy

    1mindy Registered User

    Jul 21, 2015
    539
    Female
    Shropshire
    Following on from my previous post OH got more agitated about the letter said it was rediculous to take so long. So we phoned DVLA , they had looked at it this morning ! and would not be renewing his licence . No idea why but I welled up at the news.OH said " its OK I haven't really wanted to drive for a while ,when we go out you drive anyway ,I don't enjoy driving " and that was it. How easy did he make that , full of surprises.
     
  12. Margarita

    Margarita Registered User

    Feb 17, 2006
    10,824
    london
    This may be of help in making up your mind about your husband ability to drive or not :)

    http://www.alzheimers.org.uk/site/scripts/documents_info.php?documentID=144
     
  13. DMac

    DMac Registered User

    Jul 18, 2015
    537
    Female
    Surrey, UK
    Totally agree with you Suzanna. Act NOW - don't wait for the DVLA.

    My mum-in-law could not be persuaded to give up driving. She insisted and insisted that she needed her car for this and that reason, even when it was clear she was no longer using it. My solution was to disable her car by detaching a battery lead. I could have hidden her car keys, but that would have been too distressing for her. This way, she thought the car was 'broken'. Eventually, she agreed to selling it. I think the circumstances leading up the the disposal of her car have already faded from her memory -thank goodness!
     
  14. Suzanna1969

    Suzanna1969 Registered User

    Mar 28, 2015
    346
    Essex
    Isn't it weird how sometimes the things we anticipate are going to be the hardest and build ourselves up to deal with are actually the things that SOMETIMES blow over without a whisper.... maybe he really was relieved, maybe he was putting on a brave face. And maybe you welled up because it was an official acknowledgement of one more element of him being broken down by this vile illness.

    So hard to deal with. Horrible.
     
  15. 1mindy

    1mindy Registered User

    Jul 21, 2015
    539
    Female
    Shropshire
    Following on today got the letter from DVLA . He now says they can't make decisions for him . Is going to see his doctor on Monday and pay if he needs to as they have no right to say he can't drive its his choice not there's .So I will make the appointment for him to go and discuss with his doctor.! The letter does say following medical reports they have made the decision !!

    I must say I do feel for him !!
     
  16. Scarlett123

    Scarlett123 Registered User

    Apr 30, 2013
    3,802
    Essex
    Alas this is a frequent situation with AD. One day, the news is accepted. The next day it's not. The way I viewed decisions was that if, for example, John wanted to butter some bread, or arrange 8 biscuits on a plate, and wasn't concentrating, the worst that could happen was that the butter ended up his sleeve, the bread was dropped on the floor, and the dog was then happy. :) If he arranged the biscuits and dropped one of those, or even all of them, the dog was then thrilled, or John would retrieve them, and eat them from the floor.

    I learned to turn a blind eye to such things. If, however, he'd put the car in reverse, instead of forward, or had turned left instead of right, cos he wasn't concentrating, it wouldn't just have been biscuits that might have been broken.
     
  17. canary

    canary Registered User

    Feb 25, 2014
    10,546
    Female
    South coast
    Um, do you think that it is your place to book an appointment to see the GP? After all, if he is able to make the decisions required for driving, then he should be able to book an appointment with his GP himself, surely....?
     
  18. Suzanna1969

    Suzanna1969 Registered User

    Mar 28, 2015
    346
    Essex
    Absolutely.

    If it was me I'd be making a discreet call to the GP BEFORE the appointment outlining exactly HOW unfit to drive he was and asking if they could consider my input when making the decision (in the hope that they would agree he should have his licence revoked).

    I'm afraid my Mum's dementia and, more so, my Dad's Minor Cognitive Impairment, have turned me into a rather duplicitous person. I lied about their cleaner being paid for by age UK because they get Attendance Allowance (actually Bruv and I pay for it), I lied about the careline being paid for by Social Services because of Mum's Dementia (ditto) and I lied about the Neurologist referring my Dad to the Memory Clinic as a standard procedure for his condition (actually I requested it as I'd noticed changes in his awareness). These aren't bad lies I know.

    But somebody's life could depend on whether a person with Dementia continues to drive or not, so you need to take control and do what needs to be done, rather than worry about upsetting your OH.
     
  19. Scarlett123

    Scarlett123 Registered User

    Apr 30, 2013
    3,802
    Essex
    Good for you! I always maintained there are 3 sorts of lies. Real lies, white lies and Alzheimer's lies. I lied constantly to John, simply because he couldn't understand the truth. You've had a double whammy with both your parents having problems, and you sound like the sort of supportive offspring any parent would be proud of. :)
     
  20. 1mindy

    1mindy Registered User

    Jul 21, 2015
    539
    Female
    Shropshire
    #20 1mindy, Sep 27, 2015
    Last edited: Sep 27, 2015
    He can't make his own appointment but will go on about it incessantly until he sees someone ,so I will make the appointment.
    I certainly don't want the decision revoke d ,In think it is the right decision,but he needs someone other than me to " explain "
    I always contact the doctor prior to the appointment if only to let her know why he is there.
     

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