What next....?

Greensleeves

Registered User
Mar 30, 2011
25
0
Mid Wales
My husband is suffering from a variety of illnesses: diabetes (he has had one leg amputated and the other is now ulcerating), stroke (one major, many smaller and TIAs), vascular dementia. He has been in a care home for a year now and is well looked after, and until about a month ago he could communicate with me and the staff, although obviously there were some days when he was not so with it.

However, now he seems as though he has lost the ability to communicate: he can't find the words any more and when I go to see him I have to give him questions which he can just answer yes or no to; and even then most of the time he just gets lost and ends up staring into space. The staff say he has forgotten how to move his legs so when they get him up on his zimmer he tries to move both at the same time. They too have noticed that these symptoms have increased dramatically over the past couple of weeks. Yesterday, I took my laptop with some photos to show him, but he could only concentrate on the packet of crisps someone had given him.

I know he is not going to get better - I am reconciled to that. But where do we go from here? Does anyone else have any experience of this kind of rapid deterioration? I thought initially when he was first like this that it was just an off day, but it seems this is how he is from now on and I can't find 'him' there any more - just a confused, ill stranger who is more interested in the cream cake he has been given, than in my arrival. It is all so very sad.
 

Christin

Registered User
Jun 29, 2009
5,038
0
Somerset
Hello Greensleeves, I am so read about your husband.

Have you checked with staff that they have tested for any infections. It might just be worth asking, to put your own mind at rest.

I agree it is so sad when our relatives are more interested in some treat than in us, we have expereinced this as well.

With regard to the photos we found that photos on screen, we had put them up on the TV, did not work at all. Photos in printed form do seem to work much better. But with good days and bad days, this also changes.

I hope your husband picks up for you very soon. With very best wishes to you both. x
 

Saffie

Registered User
Mar 26, 2011
22,513
0
Near Southampton
I do feel for you. My husband is in a similar situation but his deterioration came straight after his amputation. His other foot now has a gangrenous area on his heel because staff in the community hospital he was moved to made him stand on that leg when moving him from bed to chair, even though they had been told that that leg was in a very precarious state. He's had bypasses on both legs in the past. He's also hasdinsulin-dependent diabetes for many years.
He had the amputation at the beginning of October but by Christmas, he couldn't sign his name. He was moved to the Community hospital for his'mental health needs' but these have continued to deteriotate greatly since he's been there.
Like your husband, he now cannot answer a simple question and most of his speech bears no resemblance to any words that I can recognise. I don't know how staff manage. He is due to be duscharged to a nursing home and I am really worried that his physical needs will be overlooked because he cannot tell people what he feels, needs, wants etc. I can't answer your 'what next' but I really think I would rather not know and simply take one day at a time.
 

Greensleeves

Registered User
Mar 30, 2011
25
0
Mid Wales
Oh dear, Saffie, I am so sorry that your husband is in a similar state to mine. It is awful - at least my husband's deterioration has been fairly gradual so I have had more time to get used to it. But I suppose the end results are the same.

I can understand your concern that staff may not be able to understand his needs when he is transferred to a nursing home. Up until about a month ago, my husband was able to say what he did want to do and what he did not. But with this sudden deterioration, he is in a similar state now. However, I am not sure that he is really aware of his current surroundings, or even formulates any likes or dislikes. He just IS, if you see what I mean. His only pleasure seems to be when he is given food - he still feeds himself but even that is becoming rather haphazard and messy.

I suppose you are right - no point in trying to look to the future. I need, like you, to take one day at a time. Thank you so much for taking the time to share your situation with me.
 

Sox

Registered User
Mar 12, 2011
325
0
Hello - I do sympathise with you. My husband is in a similar situation - no conversation at all other than to say "NO" to everything. It came on gradually with him just losing more and more conversation until he had nothing at all but he does still understand some things I say to him if I repeat myself over and over again. I still have him at home, not sure how I am coping but somehow I am. Other than his AZ, a few TIA's and incontinence he is physically very fit - of course he is unable to tell me if he feels unwell but check-ups are all OK. I am just thankful that I am still able to take care of him but it is getting more and more difficult, I have a carer for one afternoon a week so that I can get a few things done and am starting to look at respite and increasing the care hours etc. Do hope things settle down for you and the CH is able to help your husband - I am sure they will, they are all more used to this than we are. Take care. Sox
 

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