Sometimes the things are absolutely tiny.
Like seeing a peace of paper flying down from no were in the kitchen,( after bring mum back from hospital ) must have been the wind , that blow it from the top of our high fridge as I bent down to get something, as I pick it up it’s a old littlie photo of my father , was it a sigh I don’t know that all is going to be ok , was not mum time
Mum had a fall in the street bad bump to back of head, taken to hospital , sent back home , then vomiting sick , which look like blood, phone doctor he tell me could be blood clot in head , rush back to hospital they do CT after they saw mum vomiting blood . CT scan all clear, oh AZ gone lol, no they say. They were not looking for that.
Guilt come from the stress, our interpretation of events depends of many factors ranging from history to present circumstances. Sometimes during periods of anxiety or depression we lose some of our clear thinking negative events grow in importance and dominate our lives and we cannot tell that our thinking is out of perspective, ( don’t tell me its not depressing or negtive to see our love one with AZ )
There negative thoughts seem to take hold and we became trapped in misery , anxiety or anger you know your doing the right thing, just can’t bring your self to do it, at one stage or another we know its going to happen ( going in to a care home ) if you forget the I , looking after yourself you still feel guilty, if you don’t undertand what is happening to you .
read up on stress management if amazing , give to an insight about what is psychological (physical ) effects of stress in our caring role , that is making us cry at a song and letting go of the past and stopping us from all moving on with our own reality of our hear and now.
Norman if I remember rightly you took a respite in September like me, was that your last respite? Away from the situation of seeing peg the way she is .
I am now feeling like I need one also, but can’t take the stress of when mum gets back and is all confused, so I have a friend who sits with mum a lot while I can get out , but I still want to run away from it all , even if mum was in a care home or not .
So am wondering if you took a few days out, you may see that you’re doing the right thing or not for you , just a thought .
The reality is that our priorities and perceptions change as we grow up , because that just it , we all have our trun in life, of being young no reasonability, if we was lucky to have had that . , as we grow up we gain knowledge or not learn from it or not , we all would love to be like peter pan, never grow up , but that not what life about . ( not being rude ) Just saying what I feel about life