What kind of carer cant even get the basics!

Discussion in 'I care for a person with dementia' started by Rosserk, Oct 16, 2019.

  1. Rosserk

    Rosserk Registered User

    Jul 9, 2019
    318
    My mother’s lived with me for four years and has been functioning with dementia until 8 months ago when she rapidly declined. She now needs constant supervision and can’t be left alone.


    When she first arrived she never put her underwear to wash. She would wash them in the bathroom and put them on her radiator. I let her do it because I didn’t want to embarrass her. She’s very old fashioned and wouldn’t want my hands on hubby hanging her knickers and bra on the line, she would be mortified!


    Over the last few weeks all her underwear started disappearing. I think she’s forgotten how to wash them and rather than give them to me to wash she’s throwing them away. They are definitely gone! She strongly believes someone has been in her room and stolen them. I’ve tried replacing them but she rejects everything I buy and they go missing again!


    She has a particular brand of knickers called sloggi which are expensive and she will only wear white so they are identical to hers but she won’t have it. I’ve also bought the identical bras from Marks and Spencer’s but she won’t accept them. She says they’re not hers don’t fit and she’s never worn anything like them. She’s getting really distressed about the woman whose going into her room and taking her things. She’s sat on the settee now and we’ve had the same conversation 20 times with 2 minute breaks in between.


    It’s already an impossible task and now I can’t even make sure she’s got her knickers on!


    I emailed the mental health team begging for some help three days ago and didn’t get a response until yesterday. The response was less than useless! The mental health worker will speak to someone this afternoon and get back when she can... probably just after I’ve completely broken down!
     
  2. Kay111

    Kay111 Registered User

    Sep 19, 2019
    95
    Oh @Rosserk , 3 days is ages just to get a reply!! I hope they get back to you asap. I'm sorry, I have no advice but I'm sure someone on here will do. Just wanted to say you're doing a great job in very difficult circumstances! Hang on in there xxx
     
  3. Rosserk

    Rosserk Registered User

    Jul 9, 2019
    318
    Thank you it’s kind of you to take the time to read my rants! I find myself bearing my soul on here because I can’t do it anywhere else. Xx
     
  4. silver'lantern

    silver'lantern Registered User

    Apr 23, 2019
    115
    Female
    we take the time as we know.....either we learn from what others say and go through ...or one day it will be us that needs the rant and someone there to 'read'
    cant offer any advice but your rant is read and not dismissed..... its trying times and we help each other through....
     
  5. Rosserk

    Rosserk Registered User

    Jul 9, 2019
    318
    You are very kind thank you xc
     
  6. Rosettastone57

    Rosettastone57 Registered User

    Oct 27, 2016
    1,047
    Reasoning and trying logic with your mum will not work. You won't be able to persuade her otherwise about this woman coming in and stealing things. Of course as far as your mum is concerned there is nothing wrong with her. My mother-in-law was very similar she used to accuse the carers when they came in of swapping sheets to different colours that she didn't like or taking makeup out of her bag. My stock answer was always the same, I used to say oh dear I will look into it for you and tell the carers not to do it. Then try and distract her with something else. Once I told her I had taken the sheet off the carer and returned it. Of course it was always the same sheet in the airing cupboard.

    I've got no magic answers to your particular scenario, but personally I wouldn't discuss or tell her that you're replacing the underwear I would just do it and put it in the drawer. Or trying to intercept her laundry before she washes it.
     
  7. Rosserk

    Rosserk Registered User

    Jul 9, 2019
    318

    Thank you x
     
  8. Rosserk

    Rosserk Registered User

    Jul 9, 2019
    318

    They’ve emailed me they want to visit ASAP I’m waiting for them to let me know when. I had a foot op two weeks ago and had the stitches out yesterday. Just taken the dressing off and it’s infected. The surgeons secretary is at lunch! Feel like everything is against me.
     

    Attached Files:

  9. Palerider

    Palerider Registered User

    Aug 9, 2015
    909
    Male
    North West
    That looks infected
     
  10. Rosserk

    Rosserk Registered User

    Jul 9, 2019
    318

    Yep!
    Hello Palerider I didn’t get a chance to rest with all I have going on. I was supposed to rest but then I had the problems with dad and haven’t stopped since. It looks filthy but it’s where the dressing was stuck I have just managed to get the sticky stuff off x
     
  11. Palerider

    Palerider Registered User

    Aug 9, 2015
    909
    Male
    North West
    Don't mess with it too much, you need to get to your GP today
     
  12. Bod

    Bod Registered User

    Aug 30, 2013
    1,165
    Get new underwear for her, but wash it several times before giving it to her, to remove the newness from them, perhaps even make them a little grey!!!
    "Guess what I found Mum....."

    Bod
     
  13. Rosserk

    Rosserk Registered User

    Jul 9, 2019
    318

    I’ve sent a picture to the surgeons secretary and she’s given me an appointment for tomorrow afternoon. She’s sent the picture to the surgeon whose off today in case he suggests anything else but they don’t seem overly concerned. ☹️
     
  14. Rosserk

    Rosserk Registered User

    Jul 9, 2019
    318
    That’s a great idea and it might work. I need to get on top of her throwing them away or I will have to remortgage to pay for the replacements. X
     
  15. Bod

    Bod Registered User

    Aug 30, 2013
    1,165
    There is probably only a limited number of places they can go, but all need checking, even the most unlikely places, on top of the wardrobe, down the loo, any bumps under the carpet?
    Check the dustbin contents before bin day...

    Bod
     
  16. Rosserk

    Rosserk Registered User

    Jul 9, 2019
    318
    You would think so but I’ve searched everywhere! The rubbish went Monday. She is more covert than 007 they could be buried in the garden or down a drain in the street. Wherever they went they’re not turning up but in future I will keep a closer eye out.
     
  17. Rosserk

    Rosserk Registered User

    Jul 9, 2019
    318
    Adult SS just called to tell me they don’t know what they can do to help! What do I have to do to get some help! It’s impossible!!
     
  18. Kay111

    Kay111 Registered User

    Sep 19, 2019
    95
    @Rosserk well that's not much good of SS. Have you tried the admiral nurse helpline? The couple of times I've called them they had so many good tips.

    Look out for that foot, hope it's not too painful! x
     
  19. silver'lantern

    silver'lantern Registered User

    Apr 23, 2019
    115
    Female
    sorry if you have already said somewhere.......but have you had an assessment? care and carer? maybe even if you have in the past you need to stres urgent carer support needed before you break! you not only have the issues going on with caring but also recovering from surgery! i know how that goes as i have not long ago had my hip replaced. getting over any surgery needs time and care..
    i would start with an assessment/review and stress it need to be asap as urgent
     
  20. Rosserk

    Rosserk Registered User

    Jul 9, 2019
    318

    The mental health team phoned SS and told them they felt I was at breaking point. SS called and asked would mum go into respite and I told her no not unless they dragged her there. They then said well what do you want us to do and I said I don’t know what usually happens and she said respite. Then she said I don’t think there’s anything we can do if she won’t accept respite! She asked if she’d had an assessment and I told her no.

    She told me to speak with mental health team and call her back if there was anything they could do. I was expecting suggestions from them because I don’t know what to do.
     

Share This Page

  1. This site uses cookies to help personalise content, tailor your experience and to keep you logged in if you register.
    By continuing to use this site, you are consenting to our use of cookies.
  1. This site uses cookies to help personalise content, tailor your experience and to keep you logged in if you register.
    By continuing to use this site, you are consenting to our use of cookies.