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What it takes for family to finally understand?!

Discussion in 'I care for a person with dementia' started by Linbrusco, Oct 16, 2015.

  1. Linbrusco

    Linbrusco Registered User

    Mar 4, 2013
    Auckland...... New Zealand
    Mum was diagnosed with Alzheimers mid 2013. She has declined rather quickly and even more so in the past 3 mths.
    Mums sisters and brother, and a few other family members rarely visit and see her 2 or 3 times a year if that.
    Two of her siblings refuse to beleive she has AD, and it's just old age. The others agree but don't realise how bad it is, despite telling them. Often commenting on that she just repeats herself on the phone, and otherwise seems fine. On any social occasion it is always me that makes sure Mum has clean clothes on or a new outfit. Hair done and nails painted, and of course everyone remarks on how great she is looking. Little do they know, if it was up to Mum she would look like a bag lady.

    2 weeks ago, my husband, children and I managed to go on holiday for a week, and my sister took Mum & Dad away to her holiday home.
    The strange surroundings ( despite being there several times before) and being out of routine has had a dramatic effect on Mum.
    Amongst other ramblings, she asked my sister who her grandchildrens mother was, ( my children). On returning home she did not recognise her own house and asked where she was sleeping and where the loo was.
    She is OK now after a few days back, but just in case she has had urine/blood tests done.

    It appears that it is this, that has made Mums family sit up and finally take a bit of notice!
  2. Bod

    Bod Registered User

    Aug 30, 2013
    That's often what it takes!
    The truth being forced upon them.
    Hopefully now you'll get more help.

  3. Rageddy Anne

    Rageddy Anne Registered User

    Feb 21, 2013
    It's amazing how well some people with even quite advanced Dementia can hide it, and family members who don't see them very often have no idea. Now your sister has seen for herself, she'll understand, and that'll be a relief for you.
  4. susy

    susy Registered User

    Jul 29, 2013
    North East
    This really does show how much good care you give your mum. Bless you for being there all this time. Hopefully now you will have more help, even if it is only someone to rant off to and them believe you when you are having a bad day xxx
  5. Tin

    Tin Registered User

    May 18, 2014
    Always surprises me when people assume that because mum is dressed smart, has clean hair and hands, she has achieved all this by herself.
  6. Hair Twiddler

    Hair Twiddler Registered User

    Aug 14, 2012
    Middle England
    #6 Hair Twiddler, Oct 17, 2015
    Last edited: Oct 17, 2015
    IMO - Spot on. It is also reassuring that when mum goes to day care with a grubby, drippy laden jumper (that she has insisted on wearing ) the ladies who look after mum don't bat an eyelid - they have seen it before and understand.

    Edit = When I say "seen it before" I don't mean the actual jumper ..... I mean a similar jumper on a prvious week on a different lady... I'm digging a hole here...I'm just going to stop.
  7. Ann Mac

    Ann Mac Registered User

    Oct 17, 2013
    Yep - and its re-inforced by the fact that my Mil will tell folk, in a very convincing manner, about how she styles her own hair, went and bought the outfit she is wearing all by herself, had a shower that morning, etc, etc - anybody unfamiliar with her and her illness would have no trouble believing that she is a very capable lady who looks after herself - when of course, the reality couldn't be more different!

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