This is my biggest problem. We were a large family and a close family when we were young, - perforce. But we were undisciplined, disorganised and constantly in conflict, largely due to my Mum’s chaotic parenting, which was selfish and manipulative, playing one against each other - though the dealer always won! We didn’t feel neglected or abused, mind, (well, kids don't because what they know is all they know), though she hit us a lot, and sometimes, amongst all the mess, we had good times, but there was a lot of violence and aggro, and as soon as we were old enough all of us moved away - far away - from the mayhem that was family and especially from the monster that was Mum. Of the four, one became an alcoholic, one broke off all contact, one travelled the world looking for another home.... ...I stayed straight and now live a mere 80 miles away, (Ha! easy peasy!) So now dad’s gone and Mum’s in need of care, it’s down to me. I’ve spent all my working life caring for people and I understand that you don’t have to love personally in order to care. Needs exist; it’s more than merely duty to meet them,it is simple humanity. I’m okay with the fact that that this is something I have to plan to do, that part of my life must now be given over to it, and so I don’t feel resentful or angry. I almost expected it I think. But....I still just don’t like her, so it's hard. The disease - as so many of you say - doesn’t rob her of her personality - I wish it would! In fact it just seems to magnify the worst bits. I ‘m better off than those of you that mourn the wonderful person your loved one used to be - that is dreadful beyond imagining for me ( I think of my lovely partner, and it terrifies me) But Mum is - as she always was - an annoying, manipulative, nasty, bitter woman who, if she didn’t need my help, I’d walk miles over glass to avoid, but I still feel her pain. So what do I do? I already know, I already do. I look after her. I do my best. But I need people to hear this and to understand that not liking - not loving - someone is hard too.