What help is available?

[LesleyCMC]

My dad has been living with dementia for around 3 years. The past couple of months have seen a big decline in his ability to complete everyday tasks and he's up most nights. I live in Scotland. My mam and Dad live in the North East and she cares for him 24/7 which is taking a toll.

My question is what help is available for her? And where from? I have contacted local council (Sunderland) who say due to budget cuts they no longer offer day care services, but can arrange emergency respite for a fe days - this is a step further than mam wants or I think dad could cope with. We were hoping just for one day a wee to give her time to herself as she doesn't get any. Dad is struggling to communicate now (struggles to find the words for things which is causin frustration and mood swings), We are also now having toileting issues particularly at night. I worry if he were away for a few days he wouldn't be able to communicate his needs, and he is always looking for my Mam wherever we are.

I have managed to get a few days off this week to try and organise some help for Mam but there doesn't seem to be much available. My mam doesn't drive which limits options. Do the Alzheimers Society offer a service or Dementia UK Age Concern? How do we apply for these? I'm at a loss at how to help especially as I live so far away

 

[LadyA]

Welcome to Talking Point, @LesleyCMC . I'm sure someone more knowledgeable will be along, but I think your mum needs to apply to her local Adult Social Services for a Needs Assessment for your dad, and a Carer's Assessment for herself. And is your dad receiving Attendance Allowance? That would help maybe towards the cost of a Day Centre, if there are others in their area?

 

[marionq]

My dad has been living with dementia for around 3 years. The past couple of months have seen a big decline in his ability to complete everyday tasks and he's up most nights. I live in Scotland. My mam and Dad live in the North East and she cares for him 24/7 which is taking a toll.

My question is what help is available for her? And where from? I have contacted local council (Sunderland) who say due to budget cuts they no longer offer day care services, but can arrange emergency respite for a fe days - this is a step further than mam wants or I think dad could cope with. We were hoping just for one day a wee to give her time to herself as she doesn't get any. Dad is struggling to communicate now (struggles to find the words for things which is causin frustration and mood swings), We are also now having toileting issues particularly at night. I worry if he were away for a few days he wouldn't be able to communicate his needs, and he is always looking for my Mam wherever we are.

I have managed to get a few days off this week to try and organise some help for Mam but there doesn't seem to be much available. My mam doesn't drive which limits options. Do the Alzheimers Society offer a service or Dementia UK Age Concern? How do we apply for these? I'm at a loss at how to help especially as I live so far away

Your folks live in the NE of England so there will be local circumstances which affect care. In general the approach is to have a needs assessment done for Dad and a carers assessment done for your Mum. Social services should be contacted ASAP as some take a long time to get around to it.

We have gone through six years starting with Alz groups such as football memories, singing etc which gave us good contacts and a lot of enjoyment. A few hours a week provided by volunteers through SS was helpful but not enough. Day centres have been a godsend and started with one day and now four days. Glasgow LA charges £15 plus £5 for lunch etc. Two of those days John is picked up by minibus. We also in Glasgow have a Mybus service for the elderly so you could find out if your Mum has access to anything like that.

Go online and look up What’s On in the local area. Contact all agencies such as you mention to see what they have eg AlzScotland has its own daycare here.

Best wishes. Hope you will get more local response.

 

[Grannie G]

Hello @LesleyCMC Welcome to Talking Point.

I'm afraid the care and support I had when my husband needed it from 2005-14 has sadly reduced in recent years so I'm out of touch with what is now available.

If you enter your parents` postcode on this site

http://alzheimers.org.uk/?_ga=2.251895753.1135785074.1518389407-1604875082.1508255841

it will give you some idea of what the Alzheimer`s Society can offer.

Keep in touch with Talking Point. There is a lot of experience here from all over the country and someone may be able to give you more local advice.

 

[acorns]

I was a bit shocked to read that your only option is respite care. When you say they don't provide day services in your area do they mean day care options or do they mean care services? If your dad is not at the point of needing any help yet that's different. (Parents can sound very well on the phone as they don't want to be a bother, but it's good to go and check for yourself.) If you got some care around mealtimes for example then maybe if there were one or two carers that you liked you could maybe pay privately for a couple of hrs extra one afternoon to give your mum a break - ? If she is his main carer then they have a duty of care to her as well.

When I was starting out I phoned around absolutely all the charities and organisations involved with dementia and care and fully informed myself of what was possible and experiences in other parts of our region. After that I felt more confident about asking for things - if you don't ask you don't get! I found the Princess Royal Trust for carers (now Carers Trust) very helpful although it wasn't in your area.

 

[canary]

I find it difficult to believe that there are no day care centres in the north east. It may be that there are no local authourity owned ones (there arnt in my area either), but there will be others. My OH has recently had a needs assessment by Social Services and will be starting at a privately owned centre for one day a week.