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Discussion in 'Welcome and how to use Dementia Talking Point' started by Noorza, Jul 22, 2013.
I can only imagine the emotional side must be completely different from parent to partner
I see there are differences but I also think and believe that partners and children of sufferers can help each other with their experiences and understanding. Seems sad for a forum to split them into two groups IMO anyway. I have learned a lot from the partners on this forum, I feel sure partners have learned from the children.
We are all one forum and the separate groups have always worked well together before and it should be no different now,
I put this on the wrong thread by mistake so I thought I'd best post it here as well - just for the record!
I think part of it is the acceptance of the loss of everything you had planned to do together, the loss of the person you shared all your thoughts, hopes and dreams with. Basically the shift from life long partner to carer.
Yes I did respond to the other one I thought it hadn't anything to do with rain
That is exactly it Izzy, anyone who has not been through this with their husband or partner couldn't possibly understand,
love Jeany xx
Just picking up on the parent/partner thread here I have to say Mums AD has had a completely different effect on me than it has dad.
For dad, mum is and will always be his wife, the woman he has loved for 46 years. For me she is no longer my mum, I lost her a long time ago, I've done my grieving and now when I visit I see a poorly lady. She looks like my mum but in effect mum has gone.
I supposed I've detached from her in a way, this is why when she tried to strangle me and she hit me I wasn't upset. The mum I knew would never have dreamt of doing such a thing. She is long gone.
For me my feelings and dads feelings are completely different, particularly as you've said on an emotional from.
I'm not really sure where I will post now but I'm sure if its in the wrong place someone will help and move it to the correct section.
The set up is new and feels slightly odd but then it's like having a new teacher at school, you never like them to start with as they are never as good as your old teacher, but in time you get used to them.
I know not every child of a dementia sufferer feels the same as I do but just my thoughts.
As a retired Headteacher I like your new teacher comparison!!
I am so confused, cannot work out how to start new thread at all!! I do not like these changes
Choose the forum you want to post on from the home page. You will see a grey box on the right hand side of the screen. This says 'post new thread'. If you click that you should be ok.
I can only do it by closing this site and opening it again and then its on the right side of the front page......................I think
If you click on forum home at top left of page does that not take you to the list of forum titles? Then you click on one of these and new thread is on right hand side at too.
Disturbed and I don't have memory problems
I am sorry, but I don't like this format at all.
When you started filtering out the coconut oil thread as someone felt this would be more useful/accessible in the Resources section, I seriously considered quitting TP. Why? Because it defeated the purpose. People want to read about Coconut oil, and instead of it being on the general forum and easy to find, it was secreted away.
Now we are all being cordoned off into micro-interest groups. Why?????
One of the rewards of going onto TP was having such a huge cross-section of people, of views and experiences. It will be like the coconut oil thread. Someone will post something in the section YOU feel is most appropriate, and unless we are competent button clickers, we won't even see the post, because we belong so some other micro-group.
I know you do this for what you see as the best.
There is a community and communality in having/dealing with dementia.
Where will it stop? A micro-group for FLD, Alz, Picks and so on?
Why split it into stages? What stage is my mother at anyway?
I can't find the old posts. My old posts and the posts I was contributing to.
In order to find them, are they mid or late stage posters? not easy to know if the person has just posted once or twice. What about my whole history with Mum? Is that just wiped? If so, I would like to reaccess them and copy them to my computer.
Sorry but this is admin. I don't come here for admin. I come here for contact. The contact and visibility is vastly reduced.
I have so much to deal with with Mum. I just don't feel like this hassle. Sorry.
I am technologically disadvantaged, and I don't care. I just want to contat my old friends. Hope you understand, BE
I think you'll find them in Archive near bottom of home page. Are these the ones you want?
Also if you click on My Posts at the top (beside My Profile) you should also find them.
Yes BE where is the thread about your journey??
I've put the link in my last post. I would imagine BE's threads will eventually go into one if the forum headings. At present they are in the archive section.
I have to agree with BE and are not overly keen on this new format. I can see there might be a need to separate some subject areas eg. legal/ financial from more emotional issues but was wondering why the separate stages thread has been created when it's not always clear-cut what stage someone is at and posts could just as easily go into the general care section? For example my dad's condition is definitely advanced (we're about 12yrs in) and I wouldn't call him moderate but the 'later stages' category seems to be combined with end of life care. Also if you have a partner with dementia can you also post in the general category of 'I care for a person with dementia' or does it have to be only in the partner thread? Those caring for parents with dementia might not naturally gravitate as much to the partner section which would be a great shame as could have valuable contributions to make. One of the lovely aspects of TP was so much pooled wisdom from a broad cross-section of people in varied circumstances and I hope this isn't compromised as fear some posts will get overlooked just because users don't access the relevant section or feel it is relevant to them. Also some people using TP I suspect might not be hugely IT savvy and think it needs to be as accessible and easy to navigate around as possible. Hope our feedback will be seen by relevant authorities. Thanks!
We got used to it when we first came on and we will get used to it again ,
You can please some of the people some of the time but you can't please all of the people all of the time
I just don't get this.
Are we starting TP afresh as in a Day One of new TP?
Why can't the old system run in parallel. A bit like the Tea Room. If you want to go there you can. A general forum for general types like me. I never bother with Resources, Tearoom..... enough going on in general thread.
I don't mind if there are micro-fora going on side by side, for carers or for partners. If someone feels better posting in a forum for partners only, that is their choice. But it seems like splitting hairs.
Example: there is a forum for lesbians and gay people. Why not? But those users would miss out on most of the action if they just stayed there. What is all this fractioning and division? Who does it serve?
I want to find my posts alive, because I am alive, Mum is alive, and my current issues are alive. Why is it in an archive?
Why kill the old TP to make a neat filing cabinet of people?
I filled in that research questionnaire, but I sure didn't ask for any of this.
I want to post things NOW. Where?
Sorry, but why do I have to go to my profile to find posts?
To find posts by others, do I go to their profile/
And if I don't know the poster's name, how do I find it?
Can't deal with this today.
BE, I'm completely with you on this one and sorry you're finding it so frustrating this morning.
I suggest posting in 'I care for a person with dementia' as I'm hoping that's where most people will gravitate towards eventually. Sorry so short, need to take the cat for her vac!
I know this point has drifted towards the beginning of this thread- but I want to support what Izzy and jeany have been saying: that the difference between a parent and a partner is absolute. If you have had the good fortune to make a good partnership that is part of growing up and away into the next generation. You are looking forward.
And if that partnership disintegrates into dementia it is a catastrophe for your whole way of life. As Katharine Whitehorn wrote after she was widowed: Marriage is the water you swim.