What get's switched off?

Discussion in 'ARCHIVE FORUM: Support discussions' started by Lucille, Oct 19, 2007.

  1. Lucille

    Lucille Registered User

    Sep 10, 2005
    542
    #1 Lucille, Oct 19, 2007
    Last edited: Oct 19, 2007
    An odd title, I know, but I just wondered exactly what has been switched off in my mum's brain. There is a complete laissez faire attitude about her now. Tonight, I had arranged for her to be taken out, entertained, etc. I rang her midday to remind her (umpteenth time). 'Yes, yes, I'll be here when x arrives'.

    I've just had the carer on the phone to say mum is not at home! I'm fuming. I know she can't remember and it's not deliberate, but it's so bl**dy frustrating. And when she eventually rolls up, possible midnight with so much shopping she can't carry it (the last trip she forgot one shopping bag), she'll say, 'I can stay out as long as I like.'

    I'm heartily sick and tired of this. She moans because she's on her own all the time, nobody rings, nobody comes to see her, (they do) and the one time she has the chance to go out and about with a bit of company she blows it. What this proves to me, of course, is just how vulnerable she is.

    Exactly why has her empathy/caring swtich been turned to OFF? :eek: :eek:

    Sorry to rant, but I'm sick of putting every evening on hold until I know she's 'arrived home' from wherever she's been!

    And never has my little footnote at the bottom of this post been more appropriate - and now I've also just spotted an errant apostrophe in my title!!
     
  2. christine_batch

    christine_batch Registered User

    Jul 31, 2007
    3,388
    Buckinghamshire
    Dear Lucille,
    I can understand how you are feeling. My husband Peter use to be with his Carer, funny, going out on day trips, coming back and saying WE have had a lovely time. When Carer went home - no conversation, would not let me do anything for him saying I will wait until Jenny comes back. Then when she next came, he would be laughing, co-operative and there was me with the attitude I am your wife. But in saying that he could never remember marrying me 16 years ago. As for your Mother it is so frustrating when we plan, care, worry and put our own plans on the back burner. It appears that as teenagers when they do not come home by the alloted time and go spending money on what is usually rubbish seems to be something the A.D. go back too. Perhaps your Mother is doing things now that she could not do as a young woman living at home. I have been trying to reason WHY they do these things over the last 4 years and have discussed with Consultants. It still doesn't make it any the easier when our loved ones behave the way they do. Your "I must have more patience", you had that the day your Mother had this herrendous illness. Do hope you are remembering to take care of yourself. Good luck. Christine
     
  3. Tender Face

    Tender Face Account Closed

    Mar 14, 2006
    5,379
    NW England
    Is this answers on a postcard Lucille?

    Right here, right now I could offer:

    Any ability to comprehend anyone else's world .....

    Any ability to comprehend the impact of THEIR world on ours ....

    Any ability to demonstrate even a smidgeon of selflessness ......

    You've caught be at a bad time, after a bad week, and having a bad night - and if my mother rings me once more to tell me I have 'two strapping lads' to look after ME (one being my 13 year old - the other my 'currently in remission from cancer' not so strapping husband) - if she doesn't start taking note that I have more to worry about in life than just her I swear I am gonna lose it completely!!!!!)

    Sorry, feel better for that. Your fault - you started me off! :p

    Did I get my apostrophes right? :eek:

    That was my way of sending sympathy, sorry. :(

    Love, Karen, x
     
  4. BeckyJan

    BeckyJan Registered User

    Nov 28, 2005
    18,972
    Derbyshire
    I just love your posts - not because they are 'happy' for you but it shows what wonderful people you all are.

    I totally understand the bit about 'putting things on hold' and everything else you have all posted. It is HELL. My husband is wonderful but just not 'with it' - it is our wedding anniversary today but too painful to go into the detail of how the day has gone. Yes - we have been out to lunch and a bottle this evening with 'high tea' BUT .....

    Its a good title WHAT HAS BEENJ SWITCHED OFF??????????????:confused: :confused:

    Take care all Jan
     
  5. Skye

    Skye Registered User

    Aug 29, 2006
    17,000
    SW Scotland
    Oh dear, I've had a bad day with John too. What a miserable lot we are tonight.

    I'm afraid we all know what's been switched off, Lucille, and unfortunately there are so many switches, that are being switched off one after another, and there's nothing we can do about it.

    Jan, I'm sorry you didn't have a happy anniversary. John hasn't known about anniversaries or birthdays for a couple of years now, and it really does hurt.

    How about another bottle?

    Karen,

    you know your mum is never again going to realise that you have anyone else to worry about. You know I have huge admiration and sympathy for you. It's not just a balancing act for you, it's a full-blown juggling act, and I don't know how you do it. If you really have to lose it, do it here, you're in good company!

    As for the apostrophes, who cares?

    ''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''​
     
  6. sammyb

    sammyb Registered User

    Sep 19, 2007
    126
    Nottingham
    It really ought to be Friday 13th it seems if we are all having a bad day. It has been a bad day for myself with my hubby (non responsive to anything today) and also my colleague who has both parents with dementia - dad non responsive also. Perhaps the powers that be have pumped something into the atmosphere!

    Love from Sammyb
     
  7. deepzerothree

    deepzerothree Registered User

    Oct 17, 2007
    8
    birmingham uk
    bad day

    cheer up it could be worse think of the good times you had before he was bad
     
  8. Tender Face

    Tender Face Account Closed

    Mar 14, 2006
    5,379
    NW England
    Perhaps we could all do with a few '*;&%g$£@'{}PKd&('&YTGJG @ 's tonight ? -

    Lucille - first round's on me ........ ;)

    Love, Karen, x
     
  9. 1234

    1234 Registered User

    Sep 21, 2005
    43
    bradford
    feeling like switching off myself

    hi We have had a bad day also perhaps something in the air, brought Trev home wed very calm, and loving, thought, how could i have let him be taken on to the assement ward again, but i know now why i gave in previously. Refused help with toileting, locked me out, soiled himself, got stroppy eventually let me help him to shower, would not tell where he had hid soiled pad, 2 hours of searching cupboards, garden but very elusive pad not found, house still had a strange aroma, so continued search ( by the way never made a big thing about soiling, so know need for him to stash them) other than embarassment, went to load dishwasher, found a cushion and under it the illusive soiled pad, argh.
    did not lose the plot just got out the bleach, but eventually burst into tears when i realised i had splashed bleach all over my expensive( for me) favourite trousers, which now have orange swirls all over them, very tie dye. troble is i am no longer a hippy. just have to see what tomorrow brings, goodnight all love pam. trev just came and gave me a big xxx so perhaps i will survive another day
     
  10. deepzerothree

    deepzerothree Registered User

    Oct 17, 2007
    8
    birmingham uk
    good days

    went shopping with dot and she always on about going home she thinks she still lives with her mom and dad ,but when we got back she said its lovely to get back home i could have cried with joy
     
  11. Skye

    Skye Registered User

    Aug 29, 2006
    17,000
    SW Scotland
    Isn't it amazing how just a kiss and a cuddle can make it all right? Just like when the kids were naughty, and then came up wanting a hug. Your heart just melts.

    OK, now I'm getting maudlin!:eek:
     
  12. fearful fiona

    fearful fiona Registered User

    Apr 19, 2007
    723
    London
    Can I join the switched off club too? Went to the home to see Mum and Dad but particularly to try to talk sensibly to Mum about "not going back to her home". I think my Mum has loads of switches that switch on and off at random. Visit was calm but not particulary successful, but at least the home aren't throwing her out yet.

    Then I came back changed a light tube in the kitchen unsuccessfully, blew a fuse and ended up with no electricity in one area of my house, so can't switch anything on and have been cooking in the dark, very challenging.

    Anyway fridge still works so I can have a cool glass of wine and TV works so I don't really care about the rest.

    Cheers!!
     
  13. Skye

    Skye Registered User

    Aug 29, 2006
    17,000
    SW Scotland
    Sounds good to me, Fiona. No cooking, chilled wine, feet up, TV -- bliss!

    Welcome to the switched off club, the more the merrier.:)
     
  14. BeckyJan

    BeckyJan Registered User

    Nov 28, 2005
    18,972
    Derbyshire
    Itb is MY wedding anniversary and I need this 'switched on/off club'.

    I would give anything for a big xxx Maybe another glass of wine will help.

    You see, that is the BEST attitude folks Have a good night all Jan
     
  15. Margarita

    Margarita Registered User

    Feb 17, 2006
    10,824
    london
    Welcome deepzerothree to TP :)

    I also have had a good Day as I left mum with brother all day :D
     
  16. Lucille

    Lucille Registered User

    Sep 10, 2005
    542
    Well, thank you, lovely people! All's well, that ends well, I suppose. Mum arrived home eventually with balls of wool ... bl**dy hell, I wouldn't mind if she actually knitted anything. She said it's for the cold winter nights ... well, hello, they're here ....

    hey, ho. Think Christine hit nail on head when she said mum might be re-living her teenage years; there's probably some truth in it.

    But at least we all had bad days today didn't we, spilled bleach, hidden pads, unwanted phone calls, forgotten wedding anniversaries - such are OUR dementia days.

    Good night, I'm definitely 'switching off' for the evening ...

    xx
     
  17. nemesisis

    nemesisis Registered User

    May 25, 2006
    100
    lucille I know the feeling

    bless been there you think why bother but at least your mum made it home alone the police bought my mum home three times after she spent all her money and then said to the shop assistant I dont know how to get home and they contacted police (they rang me for her address - phone no. stuck in her purse) had to keep her monthley pension after that to stop her going up town lol x
     

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