Hi Found this web-site when I should be studying! I've read lots of the messages and found them really positive, helpful and really moving. My B/friends mum (L) has dementia and went into residential care a year ago, usual reasons, wandering and getting lost, not washing or eating properly, leaving taps on, not taking tablets or taking to many etc. etc. The biggest problem is ours not L's, she seems happy and content most of the time. Returning from a trip out is the worst, which is when the manipulative behaviour and then verbal abuse starts and she is often distressed as you leave. The home are clear that this only last about 10mins, until they distract her. The home feels that the trips are good for her and that she does enjoy them. The last 10mins of a visit (and she seems to know when we are leaving) can be the same. My question? How can I help my B/friend and his siblings with the guilt they feel at returning her to the home? The usual platitudes don't work and guess what the bottom of a bottle seems to give 2 of them comfort, although this is beginning to worry me. Any advice, words of support would be much appreciated.