Dear All
I think this is the first thread that I've actually started - and I would value your thoughts.
My Mum is 79. Following Dad's death in Feb 04 Mum was admitted to a "mental hospital" as she was very depressed and talking of suicide. She did not/has not grieved for Dad - who'd needed 24 hour care for the last year of his life. She was not taking her tablets and had not been giving Dad regular food/drink or medication. (Carers were going in but Mum was confident when telling them all had been done and they did not question this until too late). They lived 60 miles from me so my visits were not as regular as I would have liked! My brother lived one road away, but in truth did not give very much support to Mum & Dad.
Anyway, following her hospitalisation Mum's health & mental state improved considerably as she was taking her medication (Atenelol for blood pressure problems and Anti-depressants). She had a scan which showed early signs of AD.
She was prescribed Aricept and her anti-depressant was changed at the same time and her mental state deteriorated. Aricept was stopped. She improved a bit but never really got back to where she'd been.
We asked if she could receive Counselling to hopefully help her come to terms with Dad's death - although they'd been devoted to each other for all of their married lives, things had gotten frought toward the end and things happened that I'm sure she remembers and feels very bad about - lost tempers, plates flying etc.
Counselling was not on offer! We were told that she was not safe to live on her own, so found Resdential Care for her close to her sisters who were able to visit 2/3 times a week, my brother passed through the area to/from work and although 100 miles from myself - my Aunties and I thought it was probably the best place, because if she moved close to me (which I would have preferred) my brother would NEVER visit and it would be difficult for her sisters to visit also. (Sorry if it's long winded).
There was a delay in the room at the Care Home's availability - which lead to Mum getting very frustrated in the Hospital (her sisters and myself were visiting weekly, brother twice in the 4 months she was there - he & his family including 3 grown up grand-daughters who had been the apple of Mum's eyes lived 5 minutes away!). She had gone for brief walks in the Hospital grounds on a number of occasions but because she became agitated about going "home" the staff started to stop her from leaving the Ward - anyway, she hit a Nurse then phoned the Police to say that basically her freedom was being impinged. She was put on a 72-hour section. The hospital rang the Care Home and asked if they would still be able to take her - they said NO. Anyway, as soon as the 72-hours were up we discharged Mum into the care of one of her sisters - she was prepared to take care of Mum at her own home for a month to try to get her settled and calmed. This she did and I managed to talk the Care home into giving Mum a chance. This worked until July of this year, when Mum "went home" (35 miles in a taxi we think) - on 3 occasions . I should add that by this time her short term memory was very bad. She didn't know where she was living or that she'd had visits the day before etc etc. Obviously the Care Home were worried and although she was no problem at all 95% of the time they were unable to accept responsibility any longer. She was given notice and the decision was made for her to move close to me so that myself and my 2 adult sons could visit very regularly and give her lots of love and affection. Unfortunately, we had to find a Secure Residential Home close enough to my own home that would enable the regular visits. ( We have a family business and work long hours). Her sisters are going to visit whenever they can and they ring her each week.
Have you ever tried to find a Secure Residential home - well I couldn't and Social Services couldn't either. Result is Mum is 5 minutes from where I live but in an EMI Nursing Home - it's very nice, staff nice, seem to be pretty caring etc etc.
Anyway, she moved in on 8 August (having had a stroke, we think, 2 weeks prior) - she was unable to walk and was very weak. After the first week with daily visits, she was walking and quite bright. Short term memory still very bad, but talking (when spoken to) quite confidently about all sorts - including Dad. So I was very happy. When I visited she contributed to the answers of crosswords, and tried to assist with a puzzle - but glasses no good - but she tried and was happy to try, we watched tv together and listened to her tapes.
However, last week she had her first visit from the new GP (I attended), he assessed her - as expected, she scored less than 20 (how can she know the day, date, month when she's not in the least bit interested in life in general, her glasses prescription way out of date so not read a paper for years, unable to remember how to turn TV or radio off so preferring not to put it on at all). The drawing she did very well, subtract 7 from 100 and count backwards - no good at all (neither could I). Based on this he told me she would not get any better and would deteriorate (slowly or rapidly - no-one knows). He decided to stop her Atenelol because there was a chance it could induce a stroke but was to be monitored by b.p. checks. He also put her on a course of antibiotics to counter a recent UTI. Result: 3 days later, Mum started sweating profusely misjudged when she was sitting down and fell to the floor bruising her back and causing her to be very confused next day. Is this coincidence I wonder!!
The last 2 nights she seems a little brighter but she is quite down and very weak unable to walk, and is not eating or drinking well, asking how she comes to be in a "hospital" like this - there aren't any other residents who are really able to be company for her. The staff are okay but each time I visit (at different times) she is sat in a chair with her eyes shut. She is always so pleased to see us and expects very little. It's difficult to leave her because it's not what I want for her. Since moving into this Secure home, she has not talked about going home or trying to get out. My brother doesn't want to know. Everything I do or say is wrong (I've been sorting out the Probate, Care Home Costs etc because he didn't have the time to do it, finances have run out, the Care Home Mum's in costs £715 per week!!!!!, I have an appeal in place regarding whether Mum has any share of the flat to take into account by Social Services, there's an Appeal in place because I've been advised that there's a case precedent for Social Services to pay for all of Mum's Care costs due to the Sectioning etc etc - only found this out when I asked the Solicitor to help in sorting out the probate).
I don't know, I just wish I could find something/somewhere better for her!
My husband reluctantly accepted that I wanted Mum close to me but is jealous of any time I spend with her. God life has become so difficult. But I love my Mum and she was a good Mum and an excellent Nan to my boys - and my Dad was just wonderful - so I have to do everything I can for him!
Any words of wisdom - better still any ideas about what might be a better solution for where Mum can live!
N.B. Mum & Dad had a falling out with my brother & his family at about the time Dad was diagnosed with PD. It went on far too long - although I tried to reconcile them by saying Mum & Dad were not perfect and perhaps had been wrong about things, they had also been wonderful parents and grandparents for the most part and that they were getting old and loved and needed his family . My brother was totally unable to forgive and blamed them 100% for many of his problems with one of his children! He's so stubborn - not necessarily wrong in the facts but so stubborn!
Help!
Ellie
I think this is the first thread that I've actually started - and I would value your thoughts.
My Mum is 79. Following Dad's death in Feb 04 Mum was admitted to a "mental hospital" as she was very depressed and talking of suicide. She did not/has not grieved for Dad - who'd needed 24 hour care for the last year of his life. She was not taking her tablets and had not been giving Dad regular food/drink or medication. (Carers were going in but Mum was confident when telling them all had been done and they did not question this until too late). They lived 60 miles from me so my visits were not as regular as I would have liked! My brother lived one road away, but in truth did not give very much support to Mum & Dad.
Anyway, following her hospitalisation Mum's health & mental state improved considerably as she was taking her medication (Atenelol for blood pressure problems and Anti-depressants). She had a scan which showed early signs of AD.
She was prescribed Aricept and her anti-depressant was changed at the same time and her mental state deteriorated. Aricept was stopped. She improved a bit but never really got back to where she'd been.
We asked if she could receive Counselling to hopefully help her come to terms with Dad's death - although they'd been devoted to each other for all of their married lives, things had gotten frought toward the end and things happened that I'm sure she remembers and feels very bad about - lost tempers, plates flying etc.
Counselling was not on offer! We were told that she was not safe to live on her own, so found Resdential Care for her close to her sisters who were able to visit 2/3 times a week, my brother passed through the area to/from work and although 100 miles from myself - my Aunties and I thought it was probably the best place, because if she moved close to me (which I would have preferred) my brother would NEVER visit and it would be difficult for her sisters to visit also. (Sorry if it's long winded).
There was a delay in the room at the Care Home's availability - which lead to Mum getting very frustrated in the Hospital (her sisters and myself were visiting weekly, brother twice in the 4 months she was there - he & his family including 3 grown up grand-daughters who had been the apple of Mum's eyes lived 5 minutes away!). She had gone for brief walks in the Hospital grounds on a number of occasions but because she became agitated about going "home" the staff started to stop her from leaving the Ward - anyway, she hit a Nurse then phoned the Police to say that basically her freedom was being impinged. She was put on a 72-hour section. The hospital rang the Care Home and asked if they would still be able to take her - they said NO. Anyway, as soon as the 72-hours were up we discharged Mum into the care of one of her sisters - she was prepared to take care of Mum at her own home for a month to try to get her settled and calmed. This she did and I managed to talk the Care home into giving Mum a chance. This worked until July of this year, when Mum "went home" (35 miles in a taxi we think) - on 3 occasions . I should add that by this time her short term memory was very bad. She didn't know where she was living or that she'd had visits the day before etc etc. Obviously the Care Home were worried and although she was no problem at all 95% of the time they were unable to accept responsibility any longer. She was given notice and the decision was made for her to move close to me so that myself and my 2 adult sons could visit very regularly and give her lots of love and affection. Unfortunately, we had to find a Secure Residential Home close enough to my own home that would enable the regular visits. ( We have a family business and work long hours). Her sisters are going to visit whenever they can and they ring her each week.
Have you ever tried to find a Secure Residential home - well I couldn't and Social Services couldn't either. Result is Mum is 5 minutes from where I live but in an EMI Nursing Home - it's very nice, staff nice, seem to be pretty caring etc etc.
Anyway, she moved in on 8 August (having had a stroke, we think, 2 weeks prior) - she was unable to walk and was very weak. After the first week with daily visits, she was walking and quite bright. Short term memory still very bad, but talking (when spoken to) quite confidently about all sorts - including Dad. So I was very happy. When I visited she contributed to the answers of crosswords, and tried to assist with a puzzle - but glasses no good - but she tried and was happy to try, we watched tv together and listened to her tapes.
However, last week she had her first visit from the new GP (I attended), he assessed her - as expected, she scored less than 20 (how can she know the day, date, month when she's not in the least bit interested in life in general, her glasses prescription way out of date so not read a paper for years, unable to remember how to turn TV or radio off so preferring not to put it on at all). The drawing she did very well, subtract 7 from 100 and count backwards - no good at all (neither could I). Based on this he told me she would not get any better and would deteriorate (slowly or rapidly - no-one knows). He decided to stop her Atenelol because there was a chance it could induce a stroke but was to be monitored by b.p. checks. He also put her on a course of antibiotics to counter a recent UTI. Result: 3 days later, Mum started sweating profusely misjudged when she was sitting down and fell to the floor bruising her back and causing her to be very confused next day. Is this coincidence I wonder!!
The last 2 nights she seems a little brighter but she is quite down and very weak unable to walk, and is not eating or drinking well, asking how she comes to be in a "hospital" like this - there aren't any other residents who are really able to be company for her. The staff are okay but each time I visit (at different times) she is sat in a chair with her eyes shut. She is always so pleased to see us and expects very little. It's difficult to leave her because it's not what I want for her. Since moving into this Secure home, she has not talked about going home or trying to get out. My brother doesn't want to know. Everything I do or say is wrong (I've been sorting out the Probate, Care Home Costs etc because he didn't have the time to do it, finances have run out, the Care Home Mum's in costs £715 per week!!!!!, I have an appeal in place regarding whether Mum has any share of the flat to take into account by Social Services, there's an Appeal in place because I've been advised that there's a case precedent for Social Services to pay for all of Mum's Care costs due to the Sectioning etc etc - only found this out when I asked the Solicitor to help in sorting out the probate).
I don't know, I just wish I could find something/somewhere better for her!
My husband reluctantly accepted that I wanted Mum close to me but is jealous of any time I spend with her. God life has become so difficult. But I love my Mum and she was a good Mum and an excellent Nan to my boys - and my Dad was just wonderful - so I have to do everything I can for him!
Any words of wisdom - better still any ideas about what might be a better solution for where Mum can live!
N.B. Mum & Dad had a falling out with my brother & his family at about the time Dad was diagnosed with PD. It went on far too long - although I tried to reconcile them by saying Mum & Dad were not perfect and perhaps had been wrong about things, they had also been wonderful parents and grandparents for the most part and that they were getting old and loved and needed his family . My brother was totally unable to forgive and blamed them 100% for many of his problems with one of his children! He's so stubborn - not necessarily wrong in the facts but so stubborn!
Help!
Ellie
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