what do you say???


Registered User
May 7, 2007
south cumbria
hi all, hope you are all well:)
on monday my dad phoned to say mum was very upset, and he wanted me to pop round so i could experience what it was like when she was restless and anxious.
so i shot round and when i got there, rather than sitting calmly, she was at the back door trying to get out.
my mum hasnt said a sentence to me in two and a half years that made any sence, but clear as any thing said "i want to get out and go where i was this morning"
i just sat her down and settled her and she calmed again. i held her hand and smiled a lot and it seemed to help.
my question is, when she doesn't believe that her home is her home, and dad is her husband and my brother is her son. what do i say to her, when she is upset?
she feels that she is living in a place that is not hers, with strangers.

thanks for reading


Registered User
Feb 17, 2006
My mother not at that stage yet , sure someone will pop in with more experience then me that can advice you in what to say to your mother xx

Grannie G

Volunteer Moderator
Apr 3, 2006
Well peeler, it seems your instinct is your answer.

You were able to calm your mother by sitting with her and reassuring her and you can do no more.

Sometimes, my husband too feels he is living in someone else`s house, and he wonders who I am. He even asks who I am. When he gets like that, and fortunately it isn`t all the time, I wish I could reassure him the way you do your mother. I have to leave the room, leave him by himself, until the episode passes and he comes to find me.

I really don`t think there is any answer which applies to each individual. It`s a case of trial and error, but you seem to have found the way.

Your dad is lucky to have you to give him and your mother so much support and understanding.

Take care


Registered User
Apr 26, 2006
Peeler, my wife is in this state most of the time. She leaps up and tells me she is ready to go home at any time of the day or night.

I have found that it is no use telling her she is at home and do my utmost to divert her attention somewhere else.

Sometimes she breaks down into tears of frustration because I do not understand that she wants to go home.

She immediately calms down when I p[ut her coat and shoes on and, at the worst times I have actually taken her round the estate where we live and asked her to point out where home is. Eventually we come back to our house and she settles easily.

It is very disconcerting, especially as we have lived in our house for 39 years.

Patience and understanding seems to work with Jean


Registered User
Apr 15, 2007
Hi Peeler
This disease sure has alot of hurdles and you seem to have manage the situation quite well. I also find smiles to be a great tool even though at times it is the last thing you feel like doing.As Sylvia stated it's trail and error You can only play the situation by ear I found sometimes by making mum a cuppa it distracted her enough to move her onto something else but at times I too just had to walk away, on one occasion I had to call in the professionals and mum was given sedation for a short while, it seems they go back in time and get caught up in a part of their past and that then becomes their reality.Best of luck:) . Taffy.

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