What do you do to cope with the worry?

Discussion in 'ARCHIVE FORUM: Support discussions' started by scared daughter, Aug 26, 2010.

  1. scared daughter

    scared daughter Account Closed

    May 3, 2010
    Hi, it's me begging for tips again. I mentioned a wee while ago my bp isnt at all good and I am under going tests. I must try and reduce my stress levels but there are a few things going on at the mo, mum being so far away and unwell being one of the major ones.

    How do yu manage the anxieties and worries you have? I am struggling from worrying while i am home and mum is so far away. She has loads of pals and a nieghbour who is widowed like mum is there all the time, when she isnt other people are and my uncle stops over as well.

    She is ok, for now and right now things are covered and yet even though I try to live day by day I just can't help worrying about whats headed our way :(

    i am back at work next week, which will severly restrict my being able to pop over, that worries me too.

    I do have a dog I walk frequently, his legs my drop off soon, as i talk to him about whats worrying me.........bless him he doesn't say much but his little borwn eyes make me feel better!
  2. Jo1958

    Jo1958 Registered User

    Mar 31, 2010
    Scared Daughter, hi
    So sorry, I can't help but I can send support and love from Jo
  3. Helen33

    Helen33 Registered User

    Jul 20, 2008
    Dear Scared Daughter,

    I suppose you have thought about things like yoga, tai chi, swimming, pilates, meditation classes???

    I hope you find what is needed and I will look forward to hearing how you get on in bringing your blood pressure down.

  4. elaine n

    elaine n Registered User

    Jun 1, 2010
    west country uk
    Hi Scared Daughter
    I go to pilates as Helen33 mentioned and it's a life saver for me although I couldn't go tonight because Gary didn't feel well. When I arrive at the class my shoulders are up to my ears because I feel so stressed and when I leave I feel completely relaxed! it's a wonderful, gentle exercise class that allows you to concentrate on YOU i recommend it !
  5. Meercat

    Meercat Registered User

    Aug 13, 2010
    I agree, it's important to have some me time. Your concerns will still be there, but you may feel a little stronger to face them - promise yourself a relaxing bubblebath with a good book.
  6. nocturne

    nocturne Registered User

    Nov 23, 2009
    I'm not sure that I do manage my anxiety all that well but the thing I have always found works best at stress busting is a good laugh. I have lots of DVD's of old comedies and there are certain books I can reread which make me smile, if not laugh outright. An hour of two of those and I feel much more relaxed.

    I agree about exercise too. I have just discovered pilates,which is relaxing mentally although,having been a rather sedentary person, first through work, then not being able to exercise much whilst looking after Mum, I find it is rather less relaxing as far as my muscles are concerned. Some have been dormant for years and are protesting strongly at being woken up!

    Talking is the other great outlet as far as I am concerned. Your dog sounds to be a great listeneer but maybe someone who can talk back would be a good idea too.

  7. elaine n

    elaine n Registered User

    Jun 1, 2010
    west country uk
    I agree the pain of pilates always manifests the next day or the day after!:( That's why the tea room is so important! To be able to relax here and have a laugh or smile with other people in the same position as you who you feel safe and comfortable with is invaluable!xxxxx
  8. sistermillicent

    sistermillicent Registered User

    Jan 30, 2009
    Probably not what you want to hear, but anti depressants since about june, my anxieties got the better of me, I went to the doctor and filled in one of her forms which was a bit of a shock to me, cos i could see how i was feeling all written down and it didnt make pretty reading.

    Anyway, it was a relief to think I didnt have to feel like it, I have to be okay to deal with what is ahead, and i feel a lot better now though i still have my off days. I am coping too.

    I am not saying this is the answer for everyone by the way, I have suffered in the past with something similar.
  9. elaine n

    elaine n Registered User

    Jun 1, 2010
    west country uk
    Hi Pippa
    I may well be heading down the same path as you. Been ther before and don't want to go there again but I'm well prepared for it this time I think. we all like to think we can cope, don't we? hope the gp helps you xxxxxxxxxxxelaine
  10. Margaret W

    Margaret W Registered User

    Apr 28, 2007
    North Derbyshire
    Hi scared daughter,

    We all deal with worry in different ways. In fact we all worry about different things, and in different ways. I always thought I didn't worry at all about my mum, was a "do-er", solved problems, until I found myself weeping at the slightest thing.

    I think it would help if you can get yourself to accept that you cannot work miracles. It's a bit like being stuck in a traffic jam. You can thump the dashboard, shout and scream, worry about not getting to your meeting in time, or you can sit back and accept that there is nothing you can do about it. Which is usually true.

    Many of the carers on here do not live near enough to their loved ones to be able to "pop over" regularly. So imagine that you live a bit further away from your mum than you really, and popping over isn't a casual option but needs to be planned. You say she has loads of pals, and lots of company, so that's really good for everyone, including you. If you have BP problems and don't address them you won't be popping anywhere.

    So try to accept that she's in good hands, that you aren't needed 24/7, and can't do it. And it doesn't need to be done.

    Easy for people to say, but there is no point in worrying what might still to come, cos with this illness it might be nothing for ages, or might be sudden and urgent. None of us know what the future holds. Make sensible plans for likely eventualities then get on with life.

    Other people, more imaginative than me, have made good suggestions for relaxation and such. Walking the dog and talking to him sounds like great therapy for you.


  11. Goingitalone

    Goingitalone Registered User

    Feb 11, 2010
    What an interesting thread!

    I'm a 24/7 worrier, too and find it really hard to 'let go.' I'm obsessive about Mum's care and I drive everyone nuts! :(:eek:

    I used to love reading, but find after a few paragraphs my mind is wandering to my problems.

    I've tried the antidepressant route, too. I don't want to go back on them. I'm still trying hard to lose the couple of stones I put on from my last bout of depression and the drugs made me even more sluggish, but they did remove that desperate feeling that's there all the time at the moment.

    I might just consider some of the relaxation stuff mentioned here. It's got to be better than this constant anxiety.

    Thanks for this thread. It might literally be a life saver for some of us.

  12. scared daughter

    scared daughter Account Closed

    May 3, 2010
    Thank you all so much for your thoughts, I have been put on meds for my Bp, it's is hopefully going to be under control.

    i have also founs a pilates class which i can fit in around my unbelievably hectic schedule (which byt he way i am trying to off load)

    It means a huge amount to know you guys are here and understand, thank you xxxxx

    I'm going to walk my dog I feel the need to a chat with him :)
  13. piedwarbler

    piedwarbler Registered User

    Aug 3, 2010
    South Ribble
    Hi scared daughter

    I think this is a great thread so thanks for starting it, I am going to try some of the ideas on it too!

    Walking the dog sounds great and I bet it helps. I haven't got a dog though. This is what I do:

    go on TP
    talk to a friend
    get busy (clean or cook or work)
    try and help someone else with something
    read (but I know I'm really worried when I can't read)
    go in my son's room and lie on his bed (he's 15 and doesn't talk much but is good company)
    sit by my pond and watch the fish
    have a cup of tea

  14. Christin

    Christin Registered User

    Jun 29, 2009
    Hello. Margaret is right, we do all deal with things differently. I walk when I get the chance, but I have also joined a yoga class and have learnt some relaxation techniques which do help me to drop off to sleep at night. There are some cds around that you can play and a beautiful calm voice will ease you into a sense of calm. Really hope you find something that helps you :)
  15. zoet

    zoet Registered User

    Take each day and problem as it comes, ask for help from anyone who will listen, moan the ears off anyone who will listen, laugh as much as possible, eat chocolate!
  16. serena

    serena Registered User

    Jul 17, 2010
    Hi, Can't add much but will share things which help me:

    Exercise: - swimming, pilates, walking
    Sense of Humour - get this engaged!
    Friends - have a natter on Facebook for light relief etc
    Anxiety Mantra: tell myself 'Just for today, do not worry'
    Attacking worries with action: - to resolve problem, even one baby step each day to sorting things out practically/emotionally
    Distraction - when worrying tell self 'Stop right now, do something else'
    Try to observe the ups and downs of emotion passing philosophically and 'flatten your heart to the tide of them'

    When all else fails - eat chocolate!

    Love and Light, Serenax
  17. glass lady

    glass lady Registered User

    Aug 29, 2010
    How to deal with worries

    This is an old trick my mum always told me and now I find it is even more true.

    There are two types of worries the worries you can do something about and the worries you cannot do something about . Find out which one yours is and follow the remedy.

    The worries you can do something about do it and stop worrying about it.

    The worries you cant do anything about then worrying is not going to help them so stop worrying.

    It always makes me laugh to think of it and I try to live up to it
  18. piedwarbler

    piedwarbler Registered User

    Aug 3, 2010
    South Ribble
    Good ideas there I am going to try these too.

    Thanks Serena and glass lady.

    I like this thread :)

    From a flat hearted, chocolate filled, pied x
  19. scared daughter

    scared daughter Account Closed

    May 3, 2010
    Thank you everyone, I have just got back from my last mum visit of the summer. School is about to reopen and with it I am restricted as to when I can get across to see her.

    I have dusted down my bike, but am seriously knoiwing that when all esle fails there is indeed chocolate :)
  20. thatwoman

    thatwoman Registered User

    Mar 25, 2009
    There is indeed chocolate! Last year I had blood pressure problems, too, and found that knitting really helped bring it down. Nothing really fancy, or that stresses me out, but baby clothes for the new grandchild and hats and scarves for the rest of the family, and I felt much calmer. Obviously as I now have shingles, my advice is fairly suspect, so maybe just stick with the chocolate:) If there's one thing guaranteed to send my blood pressure through the roof, it's well-meaning medics asking if there might be some stress in my life!

    Love Sue xxx

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