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What do we say?

Pusskins

Registered User
Jun 6, 2020
183
0
New Zealand
So far MH has only ever asked me to take him home with him once. At the time, my arm was in plaster so I just said I wasn't able to look after him as I could barely take care of myself. He seemed to accept that. However, the last few times I have visited, he has asked me where did I come from? I dare not say 'home' or mention the town where we lived together, so I just jokingly say: 'I just appeared out of thin air,' which makes him laugh and we move on to something else.

How do others deal with these awkward questions? MH is very confused and doesn't have a lot to say. I must try and find a way to engage him in conversation, but I seem to find it impossible. Do you have any tips that could help me?
 

margherita

Registered User
May 30, 2017
2,915
0
Italy, Milan and Acqui Terme
I think you could say you are coming from work ( my husband can't remember I retired six years ago) or from visiting a friend or anything else. I have noticed my OH asks me questions, but he doesn't actually want or expect an answer from me. Also because in the meantime he has forgotten what he asked me.
Re conversation, I gave up any attempt to have one long ago.
Anyway, watching a video or looking at pictures or listening to music seem to help to spend some time together
 

jennifer1967

Registered User
Mar 15, 2020
2,367
0
Southampton
my husband will asks me a question but only partly listens to the answer, he will listen to first bit and last bit and sort of make it up in the middle then asks me again to repeat it. he admits he doesnt listen.
pusskins, can you say from the shops or a walk. make it as general as possible so dont have to remember details or can loead to a wide range of things to talk about, the weather, plants etc.
 

jenniferjean

Registered User
Apr 2, 2016
871
0
Basingstoke, Hampshire
Just say you popped nextdoor as the lady nextdoor needed some help. Apologise for being away and say you hope you've weren't gone too long. Then change the subject.
My husband reminds me of one of those 'action men' dolls. You pull the cord and it says one of about half a dozen sayings. I get tired of answering the same old questions, especially when I've answered it five minutes previous.
 

canary

Registered User
Feb 25, 2014
14,667
0
South coast
Im wondering whether your husband thinks that you live there too and thinks that you had just popped out for a while
General answers (as given above) are the best, especially things that you might have done if you did actually live there. If you leave your coat in the car so that there is no visible cue that you have just arrived he might think that you were previously just somewhere around the home.
 

Weasell

Registered User
Oct 21, 2019
1,102
0
Hi @Pusskins
Someone asked the same question ‘ what to talk about at a care home visit this week.
I can’t remember who started the thread it may have been @MartinWL ( forgive me if I am wrong) !
It would be useful to give you a link to that thread.
All I can remember is the other ideas where so much better than mine ( weather, Covid, weather ))
 

lemonbalm

Registered User
May 21, 2018
1,235
0
Hello @Pusskins

If your appearing out of thin air makes him laugh, I would stick with it! It can be very difficult making conversation. I have just bought a Shaun the Sheep glove puppet on e-Bay to entertain my mum with when visiting starts again. I'll try anything to make her laugh.

When I was visiting, our conversations used to be about what she was wearing, how her hair looks, how her nails look, what I was wearing, how my hair looks, what we could see out of the window (weather, flowers) etc etc. Very "in the moment" stuff. Magazines with lots of photographs to talk about were an absolute godsend - clothes, gardens, nature, dogs, cooking

Often mum would ask "how did you get here? or "how on earth did you find me?" and I would say something like "I wasn't far away" or "Oh I'm never far away" or "I always know where you are!" which she seemed to find reassuring.
 

lemonbalm

Registered User
May 21, 2018
1,235
0

Here's a link to the thread @Weasell mentioned earlier with more ideas
 

Weasell

Registered User
Oct 21, 2019
1,102
0

Here's a link to the thread @Weasell mentioned earlier with more ideas
many thanks !
 

Saffronlizzy

New member
Nov 23, 2019
5
0
I'm not sure that the ' home' your loved one is talking about is the one they recently left. My mum often said she wanted to go home but we worked out it was her home from years before ! As her alzheimers/ dementia progressed she regressed further.
 

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