Mum has vascular dementia. She lives alone, but can cope with most things around the house, but often forgets her medicines (she's diabetic and has pills for high blood pressure). Relatively recently, she seems to have got worse as far as finding vocabulary is concerned and no longer instigates conversations. She gets very tired and is eating and drinking little. She can catch two buses to get to her hairdresser's all by herself, but has been known to get lost in the village where she has lived for nearly 60 years. She's much better when she's been socialising, but is reluctant to go to any of the activity and lunch clubs in the area - and would need somebody to take her to unfamiliar places because I live 200 miles away and my brother, who lives closer, is out of his house at 6.30am and doesn't get home until after 7.00 pm. Thereafter, his family (naturally) expects him to spend some time with them before bed! We had an assessment from social services yesterday and were given lots of places to go for help, although Mum will need to be self- funding. Our attitude is that this is what our parents saved all their lives for - Mum is still not wanting to spend her hard-earned cash. (She's 85, so I'm not sure what she's saving for now!) The problem is that she wants to carry on as she always has, and we don't know where to go next or what to do. I can't help thinking that the best thing to do would be to find a care home in the area where she would be among company, but she point blank refuses to consider that as an option. Others must have been in this position and I'd just like to know how you started changing the situation and what you chose to do.