What do I need to ask?

Discussion in 'ARCHIVE FORUM: Support discussions' started by sammyb, Oct 7, 2007.

  1. sammyb

    sammyb Registered User

    Sep 19, 2007
    Firstly, a big thank you to everyone who said I should not try to 'protect' my husband's daughter (I'm her stepmum) and her visit to see her Dad. You were all right!! She was very stoical, calm and collected and, although she welled up a few times, she didn't openly cry although I expect she will in the privacy of her own home. Her kindness was all geared to my welfare as well as to her Dad's. She is very special. She said her Dad was 'still in there' and his apparent disregard (literally closing his eyes to it) for everything around him was probably due to his not knowing why he was there, not wanting to be there etc etc. She could be right! We discussed a lot about the future and where her Dad ought to live when he was discharged from hospital. We agreed I needed to talk with the doctor but I don't know where to start, what to expect or what to demand! Firstly my husband isn't greatly mobile because of his back problems and we now know he has severe osteoporosis. Apart from that, and the huge loss of weight and muscle strength, he is physically OK - according to MRI and CT scans, BP etc - not a thing wrong! Except of course the AD. He has short-term memory loss, visual/spatial difficulties, orientation difficulties and problem solving difficulties. His speech is intact as is his understanding of speech though I can't be so sure about his ability to reason. Is this level of AD able to be coped with at our home do you think or am I expecting too much? The responsibility would be huge I know. I also know I would need to have some pretty good support at home including nursing care and it will probably mean turning the house completely upside down so that he could have all he needs downstairs rather than upstairs. At the moment I work full-time but I am close to retirement so that wouldn't be the issue. From the TP I know how hard things can get caring for people at home but a very big part of me so much wants him to come home.

    Love from Sammyb
  2. Grannie G

    Grannie G Volunteer Moderator

    Apr 3, 2006
    Dear Sammy,

    It all depends on what level of help you can get, what level of help your husband will need and how much you are able to put your life on hold to care for him.

    Have you had a Carer`s Assessment yet from SS? If not, that`s the first port of call. A SW will assess yours and your husband`s needs and tell you what can be provided.

    It is not easy caring at home 24/7, but nor would it be easy visiting a care home and having to leave your husband there.

    You really do need to see what help`s available, and take it from there.

    Good luck.

    Love xx
  3. Margarita

    Margarita Registered User

    Feb 17, 2006
    #3 Margarita, Oct 7, 2007
    Last edited: Oct 7, 2007
    thats a good idea also ask doctor for an OT to do an assessment on your husband mobility , while in hospital , then an assessment at home .

    to see what adaptation need to be done at home and if home is suitable for his needs , they can help with all adaptation that need to be if you take him home , they do a full assessment on his mobility needs

    My mum OT said that my mother muscle strength will get worse if she is not encourage to walk, so OT can help you with getting your husband mobile by getting him a walking frame to encourage him to walk , Or help with walking if his finding it hard to walk .
  4. Skye

    Skye Registered User

    Aug 29, 2006
    SW Scotland
    Dear Sammy, I've just been through this, and i know what a hard decision it is. I too badly wanted my husband home, but the physical problems proved insurmountable -- I just cannot manipulate him, particularly when he's being unco-operative.
    You really need to talk to your social worker, and get him/her to discuss things with the hospital doctors. Mine proved to be very supportive, and made sure that John wasn't discharged before decisions had been made.

    The care package depends very much on area. The best I could get was four visits a day, and that left all the time in between, plus all night. John is agitated and wanders at night, and if he fell I couldn't lift him. This is what swung it for me.

    It's an awful decision, and I agonised over it for weeks. Contact your SW and see what support would be available, talk to your cpn if you have one, and in the meantime it might be an idea to have a look at some homes in your area and see what is available. Above all, don't let them press you into making a quick decision. They'll be anxious to discharge, but they can't until either a support package is in place, or there is a NH place available.

    It might also be worth finding out if your husband's osteoporosis qualifies him for continuing NHS care. It's very difficult to get, and AD on its own is not usually enough.

    I'm glad your step-daughter was so supportive (I'm sorry, I got that wrong on your earlier thread). It's great that she's supporting you.

    Let us know how you get on.

  5. sammyb

    sammyb Registered User

    Sep 19, 2007
    We haven't a social worker yet so I will start the ball rolling on that tomorrow. Thanks ever so much..

    love from Sammyb

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