What do I do?

[lyn]

Hi All
My mums Altzheimers has got progressively worse. She is unable to recognise items ie. food she has on her plate or otherwise, drinks, she poured a glass of Cranberry Cordial for White (non alcoholic) wine. My sis picked her up for lunch & said her house was filthy, when suggested she get someone in to clean for her she flipped saying "my house isn't dirty, I hoover it every day", clearly she doesn't. She no longer baths/showers. How on earth do we get the obvious help she needs with keeping the house clean & the personal care she needs without her throwing a wobberly every time we suggest it. She used to be such a glamerous woman, immaculately dressed, nails painted, not a hair out of place, now she looks like shes been dragged through a hedge backwards wearing the same clothes every day bless. Its useless reminding her to brush her hair, bath/shower etc as soon as the phone goes down shes forgotten what Ive said to her. She won't bath/shower at my house either. she gets very agitated if we mention any of the above. God knows what will happen if she needs to go into a home to be cared for, I think she may never forgive me nor speak to me again. Shopping each week now is also becoming a problem. She sat in my car whilst I quickly wizzed round the shops in my wheelchair, she just wasn't strong enough to make it round the shops with me. Mum seems to have lost the plot in so many ways yet she is totally compus mentus in others. When challenged about something she has a totally reasonable answer for why she did this or that. I don't think it will be long before we have to get her some sort of help at home
but how on earth do I tell her?

Lyn

 

[Geraldine]

Hi Lyn

I was where you are about 9 months ago, worse in a way for me though as mum lived with us. I enlisted help from others, got the GP to mention to mum she may need some help. Our Vicar also suggested in front of Mum that I needed to make some phone calls about maybe day care and luncheon clubs.

I initially arranged for Mum to go to an sge Concern luncheon club, they picked her up and brought her home. I aslo Crossroads not sure if they are in your area, but they have a website you can check on. They arranged a sitting service twice a week for 2 hours, a lovley lady actually took Mum out each day in her car. You need to contact Social Services for an assessment of your Mum and yourself as a Carer, they are separate assessments. as a carer you can get free vouchers that you can exchange for care /sitting services. Sounds like your Mum should be able to get Home Care from Social services, you will need an assessment and may have to pay but worth checking out. Does she have Attendance Allowance if not the Carer's Federation will help with filling out the forms. All this takes along time so the sooner you act the better. It is a depressing thing to have to do but I felt better as soon as I started picking up the phone, I was actually doing something.

As for going into a home, please do no feel gulity if this is what is best for your Mum. It was sort of taken out of my hands. Mum deteriorated badly on holiday last year and after a month in our local hospital after a carastrophic episode, I told everyone who would listen that I could not cope at home. Thankfully all concerned agreed consultant , GP ect and Mum moved to an EMI in October where she is well looked after and i came back from the verge of a nervous breakdown. I ignored things fro too long, maybe if I hadn't Mum would have had a more planned move into long term care.

I wish you luck in what is a difficult time,

Geraldine

 

[lyn]

Re: What do I do

Hi Geraldine, thanks for the reply. Mum goes to a day centre 5 days a week & yes they also pick her up & drop her home & she has a lovely meal, she thinks shes going to work, bless so we all go along with it. Im a wheelchair user so getting into her house isn't an option as there are steps so I pick her up once a week & take her shopping but its becoming increasingly stressful for me, I find that as she gets too tired going either up or down the highstreet we tend to stay in the middle & seeing the same shops week after week I've started going round them as quickly as possible so I can get home its driving me to distraction. I feel awful. Mum so enjoys being out shopping with me. Absolutely no way would she ever agree that going into a care home would be a good idea but I just couldn't cope if she came to live with me. I also think it would be unfair on my poor husband, he looks after me, doing things for me that I can't manage & asking him to help me with mum also is expecting a bit too much. Mum on the other hand doesn't see it like that unfortunately. I would really like mum to stay in her house for as long as possible as shes not confused there but I can't get into it to help her. I'll have to make some enquiries about getting in some outside help.
kind regards
Lyn