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What do I do?

Adelyn

New member
Oct 7, 2020
2
0
My dad has been cared for by my mum for the last 7 years, but she passed away this week, we explained what had happened, but he doesn’t understand and thinks she is still around somewhere, we have decided not to keep reminding him , but don’t know what to do about the upcoming funeral, do we explain again on the day and take him to the funeral or do we leave him at home , and save any upset ?
 

Grannie G

Volunteer Moderator
Apr 3, 2006
74,975
0
Kent
I`m so sorry you`ve lost your mum @Adelyn and offer sincere condolences.

You are doing the right thing letting your dad think your mum is still around and if you can possibly protect your dad from a funeral which will cause him deep upset and confusion it is what I would do.

Others may disagree with me and you will be the one to decide.

I`m sure others will reply and offer their opinions and support.
 

LynneMcV

Volunteer Moderator
May 9, 2012
4,165
0
south-east London
I am sorry for your loss @Adelyn - and for the difficult situation you face. I would handle it the same way that you are already doing ie by not repeatedly reminding a person with dementia that someone they love has died.

I took my husband to a couple of funerals while I was caring for him and he handled the occasions well. The difference was that he had not reached a stage where he was forgetting that those people had died or facing repeated distress on discovering the fact 'anew'. I think that if he had been at that stage I would not have put him through the whole funeral process.

Situations vary greatly and I am sure that, whatever decision you make, it will be the right one for your dad.
 

annb1897

New member
Aug 26, 2020
4
0
Thank you for these thoughts. After 2 1/2 years we have finally got a diagnosis of moderate vascular dementia with other elements for my mum. She is now on mementine but the hallucinations are still increasing. Her husband Ken is always around. I don't refer to him as dad as she does not see me as her daughter anymore and it makes her angry through confusion. I have to dodge her punches then. He passed away 9+years ago. I have been worrying about how to manage her questions as to where he is and when is he coming home. This is so useful. Thank you.
 

Adelyn

New member
Oct 7, 2020
2
0
Thank you for these thoughts. After 2 1/2 years we have finally got a diagnosis of moderate vascular dementia with other elements for my mum. She is now on mementine but the hallucinations are still increasing. Her husband Ken is always around. I don't refer to him as dad as she does not see me as her daughter anymore and it makes her angry through confusion. I have to dodge her punches then. He passed away 9+years ago. I have been worrying about how to manage her questions as to where he is and when is he coming home. This is so useful. Thank you.
Thankyou it certainly helps me this sort of feedback