What do I do when it get to crisis point?

[MumOfDogs]

Dad (vascular dementia) seems to have deteriorated so much during the last 4 weeks. We've gone from 4/5 good/ 2/3 bad days a week to probably only 1 or 2 good ones. No signs of infection causing this deterioration. He still lives in his own house, I can't be there all the time. I can't move in. I just can't. It's too much. I've made it as safe a I can. All gas disconnected etc.

He has always been vehemently against care homes and still is. He's told me this waaay before the dementia. He says he wants to die at home. But it's getting so difficult keeping him there, For the first time, a couple of weeks ago, he got violent with me. 20 mins later he had no recollection and asked why I was crying. It broke my heart because I know it wasn't the real him.

So I guess it's going to have to come to crisis point. What do I do then? Do I call Social Services? An ambulance? I'm totally lost right now.

 

[Grannie G]

Hello @MumOfDogs

What do I do then? Do I call Social Services? An ambulance? I'm totally lost right now.

You call emergency social services or the police if your dad becomes violent again.

I know it sounds a terrible thing to say but your dad isn`t in control of his behaviour or thoughts. We know it isn`t his fault but the line has to be drawn when there is violence for your safety and also in your dad`s best interests.

The police are most understanding and kind. They will not treat your dad like a criminal but they will protect you.

It might help if you have a phone number for emergency social services in your area to hand.

Dementia-friendly emergency services

Read our guidance to find out how dementia affects people’s experience of interacting with the services, and how the emergency services can support them.

www.alzheimers.org.uk

 

[canary]

Hi @MumOfDogs
Who you call depends on what form the crisis takes.
Quite often its t ahat the person with dementia has health problem - a fall, a stroke, an infection of some sort, which means you call an ambulance.

If its your health problem, or you simply reach carer burnout, contact Social Services for emergency respite.

If its violence, dont be afraid to call the police. The have the authority to call the emergency psychiatric team and will also contact SS with a report.

In the meantime, I would contact his GP about that violent episode. The GP can make a referral to the Community Psychiatric Team, or back to the memory clinic (whichever it is in your area) as there is medication to calm down aggression. Do not put up with violence - you have to keep yourself safe. Once it has happened it will continue, so make sure that you always have a charged mobile on you so that you can call someone and have a safe room where you can lock the door.
Incidentally, SS can over-ride his desire to remain at home if he is at risk of harm, or of harming others.