What care to expect from GP

[Grandma Joan]

My Dad (age 90 mid stage DM) is constantly referring to "going home" and saying "my family will be wondering where I am"and "what will the neighours say about us living together" and as most of you have experienced - he has lived in this house for 30 years, his parents both died over 40 years ago and they have been married 64 years. Most of the time we cope with this by offering words of comfort about where all his family are now. Recently in this heat he has lost his appetite and now he is very restless at night, often getting out of bed and checking the house and saying he is hungry so my Mum leaves something out for him and he only takes one bite.

My Mum bless her is 89 herself and losing her sight and I am wondering now if this is getting all too much for her to cope with. I have read on here that maybe he needs more stimulus. My mother is not surprisingly exhausted with it all and finds it difficult to stay positive and provide the stimulation that he needs. We have booked him in for a day in a "dementia day care centre". We have been there for a couple of hours on several occasions with him and he enjoys it but we are worried he won't like it if we are not with him. He likes to be at home with people he knows.We will have to see.

Mum is now saying perhaps they both need to go into a home, it is a lot for her to deal with even though my sister and I are there to keep and eye and help almost daily she has to live with it constantly and at 89 that is a lot to ask.

We have always felt it was good for them to keep them living "independently" for as long as possible, but wonder whether we are nearing the next stage.

Also the GP is not very forthcoming with help. Mum called him last week and he took a wee sample to query a UtI and said Dad's blood pressure was low and would send a DN round to retake but she has not visited yet. What input should we be expecting from their GP at this stage?

Who is there we can get advice from? Who can assess the situation and advise what would be best?

Help!

 

[susy]

Hi this is my first time posting on here, hope I get this right. I think that it will be social services that you want the help from at this point. If your dad hasnt already been referred then either the GP or memory clinic can do that for you. Hope that helps?

 

[dora]

Mum is now saying perhaps they both need to go into a home,

I don't think anyone would say this lightly - it sounds like a plea. I would suggest you have a talk and perhaps go round a few homes with your mum. It may be possible to get them both into the same home, or maybe your mum would be able to cope at home with your support, once she is no longer a carer for your dad.
As someone who has recently been looking at homes, I found there are long waiting lists, and it's always better to start looking as soon as you can - you can always put mum and dad on a waiting list - at least that way you are more likely to get the place you want if and when the time comes.

wishing you all the best in this difficult decision
Dora