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What can I do ?


Registered User
Oct 6, 2015
My husband was finally diagnosed with Alzheimers in March and since then our life has just been hell . It wasn't easy before - he was already showing signs of aggression having been
Previously described as the mildest most caring man anyone knew !
I get blamed for everything including his diagnosis and accused of everything and I have accepted that was all part of the illness but tonight i really thought he was going to kill me !
I feel so alone , so inadequate and so scared for what will happen next . I love him so much but I just don't know what to do anymore .
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Tattoo Lane

Registered User
Jun 28, 2016
Devon UK
Oh how dreadful for you, but you have come to the right place to ask for help - there are so many lovely people who are also going through something similar, or who have been where you are, and come out of it the other side, and I'm sure you'll get the answers you need. For now, just know you have been heard, and I'm sending love and hugs to you. Someone with much more experience than me will, I am sure answer you tomorrow - hang on and keep looking in , much love and many hugs xxxxxxxxxxxxx


Volunteer Moderator
Feb 27, 2015
I'm sorry you're going through this. I'm scared of my dad so I do understand.

Ring the GP & tell them about the aggression. Tell them you're scared.
If your husband kicks off get out of the room & ring 999. Try to keep your mobile with you at all times.


Registered User
Jun 7, 2015
Hi Mobton. Sadly I think I understand too, I am caring for my mum and she has had spells of being aggressive, both verbal and phsyical. Mum got her hands around my throat on one occasion, thankfully she didn't put too much pressure on, though I could feel it for a while afterwards. I couldn't even now say whether I was more shocked or scared. Alongside that we have had pushing and shoving and a lot of verbal nastiness. Like you everything is always my fault even her illness which she attributes to my going out to work and leaving her alone whilst I was working.

Dementia is possibly the most selfish of illnesses, its never wrong and always the one being badly done to. For my own safetly I got a lock out on my bedroom door, I always have my mobile to hand with all the relevant numbers stored away. Maybe you could get a lock on the spare room? In respect of mum I spoke with our memory clinic and they prescribed respiridone which has helped to calm mum, but she still has flashed of pure temper, I posted yesterday about one such event.

It was hard to give my mum respiridone. I read the accompanying leaflet and loads of stuff on line which worried me and made me reluctant to believe it was the right thing, but I accepted it was needed and I now know I've done the only thing I could. It's hard, but don't delay getting either the GP or the memory clinic involved. They need to know how things are as they can possibly help.

Hopefully I've helped a little, if you need a chat you can always pm me as I think I understand where you are at.


Registered User
Oct 7, 2015
I feel so alone , so inadequate and so scared for what will happen next . I love him so much but I just don't know what to do anymore .
Hello Mobton, just a few words to say that I understand what you're going through, sadly many of us face the issue of aggression with our loved ones.

A quick search on the search facility will throw up lots of examples for you.

My mum is now being held in a secure mental health unit due to her aggressive behaviour. She does now seem a degree calmer and will probably be discharged fairly shortly (therein lies another story!).

My point is that , yes, the aggression is beyond dreadful, but there are things that can be done. Our community mental health team were a God send, and drugs, when used appropriately can be a life line.

Make sure you are getting plenty of support, on here, and in the real world!


Registered User
Sep 21, 2016
My mother is very aggressive at times. Mostly verbal but I think it won't take long before that escalates. She's drawing out lots of cash from a very limited amount in her bank. Everything is now set up by direct debit & im accused of doing this without her permission (not the case).
I live 45 minutes away but always visit two days a week & usually stay over. Frankly it's too much in one go & I come home mentally drained & need a day to recover.
This morning we had a talk about her money which got a bit heated & then calmed down. I have restricted her daily allowed withdrawal to £25 but she swears using f word to the lovely staff & they have to give in. We went to the bank today & she insisted she wanted £50 so I gently said that's probably more than you need today mum. She lashed out in saying F off. I said do you really want me to do that & she replied yes F off. So I went home. Mixed feelings... Tearful, angry., wanting to just stay away. I can't handle it. Going to ask psychiatrist to prescribe something. Anyone know about court of protection order to restrict any access to account?

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