(I have moved this thread to the "Younger people with dementia" section)
It is a difficult balancing act - having responsibility for someone with dementia to whom one was/is married, as well as moving on [or having moved on] with someone else one now loves.
The important thing to know is that it is not impossible, simply very difficult, and it requires a huge amount of understanding from friends, family, and mostly from that new person in one's life.
Guilt? I assume for not being able to devote himself to his new partner? Because there can be no guilt regarding the dementia.
Well, yes. There will be feelings of guilt because anyone you love deserves all your energy and time. But I think it has to come down to the new partner in the end.
If the new partner knows the situation and in effect says, "it's them or me", then that is a challenge. Anyone would understand them saying that, and it would only be a very special person indeed who didn't [say that]. Only somebody in that situation could make the call as to which way to jump. Family ties are huge and feelings of such responsibility can't just be cast aside. I'd reckon the new relationship would have severe challenges if that route was taken.
If the new partner says they understand and will be part of the complex relationships so generated, then that's another thing - and if they do that there should be no question of giving up any happiness. Indeed, there should be rejoicing because the new partner will be such a special person. Happiness will need to be taken, along with sadness, anger, frustration, fear, etc
Dementia can go on developing for many years, and it is that problem that causes more worries than anything. To stick for a long time with someone who has responsibility for another person who has dementia is nigh on impossible without there being, at the least, some painful soul searching.
It is never going to be easy, but impossible it ain't!
Kate_k said:
Can anyone offer any advice?
introduce them to Talking Point, as soon as possible.